Kate Anderson （KA）： Thank you so much for joining me, Mattie.
Matthew Cole （MC）： Thanks for having me.
KA: I’m dying to ask you questions about “Write Anything,” but first—how have you been?
MC: Well, there’s no point in trying to beat around the bush. Everyone knows that Logan Gray and I broke up. Honestly? I’m heartbroken. I began to care for him and love him. I still do.
KA: It’s rare to find people who’re willing to admit they still have feelings for their exes.
MC: It’s only the truth. I love him.
KA: Can I ask what happened?
MC: We turned out to not be what each other needed, I think.
KA: How do you feel about Logan now?
MC: I don’t harbor any bad feelings toward him. I wish him happiness and peace. I really do. I’m grateful to him, in fact, because he helped me discover more about myself, too.
KA: I think that’s why so many people love you, Mattie. You exude love and compassion. That must be helpful for acting in a romantic film like “Write Anything.”
MC: You could say that. Acting as Riley Mason forced me to be more truthful with myself and my emotions. My own wants, instead of putting everyone else before me. I think there was a lot of growing I needed to do, too.
KA: It’s amazing how much acting can change a person.
MC: Yes. I agree.
Happily Ever After: A Memoir
by Matthew Cole
Having worked in romance through films, stage productions, and eventually writing for so much of my life, I have learned one thing: audiences expect a holding-hands-into-the-sunset, sparkly fireworks, wedding-bells sort of happily ever after. A part of me resents this. I’ve come to think that real people with trauma might just begin to believe that love isn’t meant for them. Their stories don’t look like the romances we see on bookshelves and screens. Some would argue that a story that focuses on a person’s pain isn’t even a true romance.
Throughout my career, I eventually learned not to force a fake happiness into the roles I play. I once feared that audiences would turn away from the less-than-happy emotions. Romances that are forced to have a happily ever after make me even sadder, I think, because I can feel the lack of authenticity, the attempt at washing away the pain instead of facing it. True joy can’t shine until we work through the darkness and look at the trauma—until we begin to heal. Isn’t it more satisfying, then? To see a happily ever after that has been fought for in the end.
Mattie
The cabin hasn’t changed much. The trees have grown even more untamed. The lake still shines, glimmering beneath the blue sky. The air feels like it’s a blanket of peace. I stand on the shore and breathe.
Logan isn’t here. I’ve questioned if I should come back at all. Every time I return, what am I hoping for? I know better now, I think, than to fall into old patterns. Logan still feels like an old pattern. Closure, maybe. I think I come back always hoping for some sort of closure—hoping he’ll be at the cabin, waiting to tell me everything I’ve needed to hear.
I climb back into the car and start the drive to the hotel. My flight is in a couple of hours, back down to LAX. I’ve been living in Los Angeles for a few years now. I couldn’t get used to the idea of living in the Hills, but I’m in a neighborhood close to where Logan was staying in West Hollywood before he left. I hadn’t had a lot of space yet from everything that’d happened when I first bought the apartment, following the release of Write Anything.
Paola says that my career exploded partly because of how well I’d handled the fallout. Vanessa Stone didn’t hold a grudge from that meeting where I walked out. I ended up doing exactly what she wanted, posting about my breakup with Logan on social media. I continued to be offered auditions until, finally, I landed a film’s number one lead role. Even better: I wasn’t typecast as the sweet love interest. It was in a grittier film—a thriller where I was a detective, framed for the murder of my best friend, only for me to discover in the end that it really had been me all along, unable to remember I’d killed him in a fit of rage.
A lot of the blogs and comments on socials wondered if I could pull off a role like that. Sweet, cute, innocent Mattie? I wasn’t sure myself, but I’d learned a lot from my time playing Riley Mason. I’d learned to let go of shame and access emotions I didn’t even know I had. I had a lot more freedom to find a deeper part of me and discovered another layer of authenticity. It was amazing to watch myself back on-screen. Where the hell did I find that confidence? That scene where I smashed a glass against the wall, screaming so hard I lost my voice for two weeks straight—I mean, shit. I was powerful. I am powerful.
That role earned me my first Oscar. The dream. I’ve been living the dream.
Why, then, am I still so unhappy?
*
After the flight back, I get to my apartment. It’s the sort that only has one neighbor living beneath me, an actress from France. I take the stairs instead of the elevator and unlock the front door, pushing it open. It smells like garlic. Phil looks up from where he’s sitting at the counter.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I toss my keys into a basket by the door and head over to kiss him. He puts a hand on my waist, pulling me closer. He’s been growing his hair out since the Good Dog premiere—said he hoped it would expand his appeal.
“How was your break from LA? I thought you were going to be home hours ago.”
I hesitate. I’ve never liked lying, even if it’s by omission, especially after everything that happened with Logan and our publicity stunt. “It was fine. I mostly stayed in the hotel, and I took a long drive. Over by Logan Gray’s family cabin, actually.”
He frowns at me. “What? Why?”
Phillip and I started dating ten months ago, so he wouldn’t know that I do this once a year on the anniversary of when Logan and I said we would return—flying out to San Francisco, staying in a hotel for a couple of days and enjoying a break from the city, driving up to the cabin. I lean against the counter. “It’s an old promise we made to each other.”
“It’s been three years,” he says.
“I know.”
I’ve moved on. I’d like to think so, at least. My career has taken off and I’ve found a community of friends. Julie’s been one of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life, and we meet with a group of artists and writers and actors once a week in a salon-type dinner party at her place in Los Feliz.
I’m in touch with my family all the time—my mom and Em, anyway. My dad and I have been trying to have more conversations. He had a cancer scare last year, and about three months after he had his biopsy, he got in touch to say that he wanted to work on our relationship. He said that he’s willing to try to change his beliefs and learn to accept me. Being that close to death shook him to his core, and I’ve decided to give him another chance.
Life has been good, but Logan still pops up in my head every now and again. Maybe every year, the anniversary feels like a reminder. A chance to reflect on the promises I’ve made to myself.
Phillip is watching me carefully. It hits me that he’s jealous. That isn’t surprising. He’s insecure about a lot, so something like this would only make that anxiety worse. Not that I’m judging. I’ve had my insecurities, too.