“Okay,” my voice breaks. “Maybe for just a second.”
I spent the rest of the flight to Seattle hiding in the back. Rio popped his head in at one point, making some joke about Zanders and me hooking up behind everyone’s backs all year, but when I didn’t even crack a smile, he realized his mistake.
It seems, besides Maddison, no one on the team knows that we broke up. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, but I’m trying not to read into it. At the end of the day, we’re over, so grasping at straws to give myself a little hope is only going to draw out the heartbreak I’m convinced is going to last a lifetime.
Being in my work uniform reminds me of the compliments Zanders would shower me with while wearing it, so as soon as I’m in my hotel room, I peel it off, changing into my comfiest sweats. Which, of course, reminds me of him as well. I didn’t even pack the ones he gifted me, but it doesn’t matter.
The view from my hotel room overlooks Seattle’s Great Wheel, right there by the water, but as beautiful as the whole thing is, it reminds me of the Navy Pier in Chicago. And that reminds me of Zanders’ apartment, which in turn reminds me of Zanders.
I hate that my brain associates him with every bit of my life in Chicago. I wish I didn’t think about him every second of every day. But that city is filled with him, and I don’t know how to clear him out. He’s inundated every part of my life.
In my heart, Chicago represents Zanders, but so does almost every city in North America that we’ve visited together.
Turning off all the lights in my room, I bury myself under the covers of my bed, needing the darkness to bring me some sleep. It’s only three in the afternoon, but sleeping allows my mind to shut off so I’ve been sleeping the days away, hoping it’ll help pass the time more quickly.
My phone rings on the nightstand, illuminating my pitch-black room, and I could not be more thankful to see my dad’s name across the screen. I’m pretty sure an audible breath of relief leaves me as soon as I answer the phone.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Vee! How’s my girl doing?”
“I’ve been better.”
A small moment of silence lingers between us. My dad found out all about my relationship with Zanders around the time we broke up. Though, a part of me thinks he’s known since he visited at Christmas.
“Ryan called. He was worried about you flying out for playoffs. He wanted me to check on you.”
“That’s nice of you both, but I’ll be okay.”
It might not be true, but I’m manifesting.
“Well, I promised your brother I would check in. So, what room are you in?”
“What?”
“What room are you in? I’m outside your hotel.”
Eyes widening, I pull my phone away from my ear to look at it, though I don’t know why. It’s not like he’s on FaceTime and can prove he’s in Seattle. I’m just in a state of shock.
“Really?” My voice cracks, feeling just a speck of hope for the first time in a while.
“Yeah! Let me up!”
As soon as my dad knocks on my door, I rush him with a crushing hug, needing the joy he always brings into my life.
“I missed you too, Vee.” His big bear hug holds me close before he shows off the six-pack of IPAs in his hand. “And I brought beer.”
“Thank God. I knew I liked you for a reason.”
My dad pops the top on two before handing me one and taking a seat on the couch opposite me.
“So, what’s going on?”
I breathe out a condescending laugh. “Where should I start?”
“Where do you want to start?”
I take a long swig, trying to choke back any emotion that attempts to surface. “Zanders broke up with me.”
“So, do we hate him now or what?”
That pulls a laugh from me. “I’m still deciding.”
“Did he give you a reason, or was this out of the blue?”
“I don’t know. He gave me a reason, but I don’t know that I believe him.”
My dad stays silent, allowing me to continue.
“He said he’s never going to be able to change and that I knew all along who he was, but I don’t think that’s true. I think he’s scared to show his true colors because the reputation he’s earned in the NHL is quite the opposite of what a good man he is. He’s due for a contract renewal, and he doubts himself. You know how important contract years are with Ryan, but this is different. Ryan doesn’t have to lie about who he is to make money, but Zanders feels like he has to.”