Patricia thought back to when he had driven her down from Cork in silence. The agony of that journey. She remembered how worried she had been about her hair and getting her skirt wrinkled. Sitting in the car now, with no clue what she looked like or even when she had last had a bath, that other journey seemed like a lifetime ago. She stole a glance at Edward. They weren’t even halfway yet and part of her still feared that he might change his mind. His mother’s will would seize him across the dark empty miles and reel them back to the Foley castle. Eventually Edward seemed a little calmer and Patricia risked asking him a question.
‘What’s your plan?’
Edward didn’t react and she wondered if he had heard her.
‘Plan?’ he said without looking at her.
‘Are you going back?’
‘Of course.’
‘What about your mother? Won’t she come looking for me? Is …’ she dreaded hearing his answer, ‘is Elizabeth staying with me?’
‘Don’t worry about my mother. Don’t worry.’
He didn’t mention the baby. Patricia began to feel afraid.
‘Elizabeth, Edward. What is going to happen to Elizabeth?’
He gave a strange tight cough and then replied, ‘I, we, can’t look after her. I’ll send you money.’
Money. She was heading back into the real world where she had to worry about such things. She wondered if she had a house to return to. She squeezed the baby a little tighter.
‘Thank you.’
Somewhere north of Clonmel, Patricia’s head was nodding towards sleep in a blur of cat’s eyes and briefly glimpsed tree trunks when Edward said her name.
She looked over at him.
He was still hunched over the wheel, staring ahead intently.
‘I did care for you. I hope you know that.’ His words were hoarse.
Patricia shut her eyes. She still had so much rage inside her. If he cared for her why had he allowed this to happen, to continue for so long? How could he be so cruel to someone if he had feelings for them? Then she thought of him, having to return alone to Castle House. Living with his mother and her fury for … well, forever. He could never escape. Edward was as much a victim in this as she was. She let the wisps of hair on the baby’s head rub against her face.
‘I know, Edward. You’re not a bad man.’ She considered saying more, telling him how he must escape his mother, or at least get her help, but she decided against it. There was no point upsetting him further.
Only a fox standing at the bottom of the lane that led up to the town dump witnessed Patricia’s return to Buncarragh. As the car glided beneath the street lights she found she was holding her breath. Everything was just as it had been when she left, but deserted and still. How could it be the same when she could barely remember the na?ve young woman who had left this place so long ago? The artificial light made the town seem almost two-dimensional. Words slipped from her mouth, like an incantation she had repeated many times before. ‘My friend works there. That’s the family shop. These are the new traffic lights. Straight on. Left at the fork. Up the hill.’
They had arrived. The car pulled to a halt outside number sixty-two. The first thing she noticed was the For Sale sign outside.
‘Look at that!’ She pointed at the board, seething.
‘It’s not sold,’ Edward replied simply.
‘True.’
The engine switched off, they sat in silence in the car. Still Patricia feared that there would be some last-minute hurdle, or disaster. He would reach for the baby, or suddenly start the car again and drive into a wall.
‘Have you keys?’ he asked.
‘Under the plant pot.’
‘Right.’
Edward took a deep breath and heaved open his door. Patricia edged hers open too and then he came around the car to help her. She stood on the pavement while Edward got the bag from the back seat.
He carried it over and placed it at her feet. ‘Thank you.’ She had begun to shiver in the night air.
‘You’d better get in.’
‘Right.’ But she didn’t move.
The steam from their breaths floated between them as a single cloud.
Edward placed a hand under the baby’s chin and lifted her face towards his. He bent down, and Patricia heard him whisper to his daughter.
‘You be a good girl now. This is for the best. It’s all for the best.’
When he raised his head he couldn’t look at Patricia and his mouth was contorted into a twisted ribbon of pink.
‘Goodbye, so.’ His voice was high and strained and he ducked into the car as quickly as he could.