Patricia suddenly felt awful. She had only thought about herself and Elizabeth and what was best for them. She had never really considered at what cost. Now she watched aghast as this man with tears streaming down his face struggled to start the engine of the car. Without thinking she stepped forward and rapped her knuckles against the window. Edward stepped back out of the car, and stood up with only the baby separating them. Patricia raised her face to him and he kissed her on her lips. Standing on tiptoe, she pressed back against him. It was a gentle embrace, with no hint of lust or passion. His lips were so much softer than she had imagined, but the stubble on his chin scraped her face. She stepped away, and then raised her hand to wipe away his tears.
‘Thank you, Edward. Take care of yourself.’
He said nothing, just bent and kissed the baby’s head and got in the car.
The power of forgiveness.
She pulled another woman’s coat over the head of another woman’s baby and watched the man she had never married drive away.
When the red lights had reached the bottom of the hill and disappeared, Patricia lifted Elizabeth up and kissed her on both cheeks.
‘We are home, my baby!’
The key was where she had expected to find it, and opening the door she allowed the familiar smells to wash over her. Had she ever thought that stepping into this hallway could feel this wonderful?
Pushing open the door to the sitting room, she carried Elizabeth over to the sofa and wedged her between two cushions. From the hearth she picked up the largest poker and marched outside. Nobody watched as she flailed the heavy fire iron in the air and smashed the For Sale sign in two.
NOW
1
She felt a bit cheated. So much had happened to her while she had been away, but still New York refused to acknowledge it. The same movie posters were on billboards as when she left. The ugly red dress was still in the window of Inspirations, that weird store on the corner of 33rd. Armando behind the meat counter at D’Agostino greeted her as if she had been in the day before. Even Shelly the cat refused to respond when Linda Jetter brought him back to the apartment. By the time Elizabeth woke up the next morning, she had begun to doubt herself. Ireland seemed so far away. As the daily soundtrack of car horns and sirens started up outside her window, she wondered if she had ever sat on the wall looking out to sea at Castle House. Had her father squeezed her hand? Were Gillian and Noelle trawling through Convent Hill, as she lay in bed tracing the cracks in her bedroom ceiling? Peeling herself out of bed, she resolved not to dwell on her Irish trip. Today was not about the past. She had to focus on the life she was living in the here and now. Zach would be home soon and she was finding it hard to imagine what it was going to be like. A week ago, their conversations were about college applications and his homework, now he was going to become a father. For God’s sake, she was going to be somebody’s grandmother! It was insane. She let out a manic yelp to express her bewilderment as she stepped into the shower.
Zach’s homecoming was not what she had expected or hoped for. He walked through the door with a backpack that dwarfed him and a very pregnant Michelle. The apartment seemed far too small for three people. Elizabeth was incredulous that she had failed to notice the pregnancy in December; how could she have missed it? They squeezed into the living room and sat down. Zach stared sullenly at the floor and gave monosyllabic answers to his mother’s enquiries about his trip. Michelle overcompensated, smiling brightly and going into great detail about some vegetarian restaurant Elliot had taken them to in San Francisco. Elizabeth wondered when they would address what was very nearly the elephant in the room.
‘I’m putting my stuff away.’ Zach got up and hauled his luggage with him. When he was gone Michelle leaned forward, affecting a look of remorse, and in a conspiratorial whisper said, ‘I’m afraid Zach isn’t very happy with me.’
That makes two of us, thought Elizabeth. ‘Oh?’ She couldn’t bring herself to ask more.
‘I explained about the baby.’
‘Explained?’
‘That I would be the primary caregiver. That I don’t want this event to overwhelm his life.’ She smiled at Elizabeth in a way that suggested they were kindred spirits in this plan.
‘It might be best if you left us. I think we have a lot to talk about and that might be easier if …’
‘Of course,’ Michelle said, getting out of the sofa with remarkable speed for someone so encumbered. ‘I’ll go.’
And then she left. Just went. There was no goodbye to Elizabeth or Zach.