I’ve never had a boyfriend during the holiday season—and my birthday—before. Well, I’ve never had a boyfriend, period. And while I’m not sure if I can consider Crew Lancaster my actual boyfriend, it feels like he could be.
And that feels more magical than the holiday season.
I think of last night and what we shared. How we ate dinner and kissed for a little while. Tried to watch a movie but we both could barely keep our eyes open. We ended up going to bed and never really did anything. Woke up and got ready for the day like it was perfectly normal for us to have slept together.
It was kind of nice, sleeping with Crew. Studying his face before he woke up. How sweet he looked, like the little boy he used to be. I woke him up by touching his cheek, and when he first cracked his eyes open, he looked at me as if I were the most wondrous thing he’s ever seen. It made my heart expand, filling me with far too much hope, which I needed after the doubt I struggled with last night.
He's been patient with me all day, indulging my every whim. We ate breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Went driving around looking at all the stately houses in the area, all of them decorated for the holidays. We finally ended up here in the downtown area, which is bustling with people out shopping for gifts. It all feels so natural, spending time with Crew like this. Having him smile at me, wanting to touch me. I could get used to this.
And that’s terrifying.
I’m wandering around a shop full of useless but beautiful knickknacks, Crew patient by my side, when I come to a stop, exhaling loudly. “I don’t know what to get my mother for Christmas.”
“Is that what you’ve been looking for? Gifts for your mom?”
“And my dad.” I pick up a rustic bird carved out of wood, turning it this way and that, appreciating the technique. “They’re impossible to buy for.”
“So are mine.”
“What are you getting them?” I glance over at him expectantly.
“Nothing.” He shrugs.
I frown. “You aren’t buying them anything?”
“There’s no point. They don’t expect any of us to. Especially me.”
“Why especially you?” I set the bird down on the shelf, only for Crew to immediately pick it up.
“I’m the baby of the family. They don’t expect me to do much of anything,” he admits, weighing the carved bird in his hand. “I think I want this.”
“It is beautiful,” I agree. “And I’m pretty sure everything in this store is handmade by local artists.”
“It reminds me of you.” He holds his hand out, the bird sitting on his wide palm. “My little birdy.”
My heart swells and I do my best to mentally tell it to calm down. “That’s so sweet,” I murmur.
“I’m getting it. You should get one too. Give it to your parents. Tell them it represents you.” He nods toward the other birds sitting on the shelf.
“That’s a good idea.” I look over the remaining birds, choosing my favorite one before I follow after Crew. A question suddenly pops into my mind and I hesitate before blurting, “Do you want anything for Christmas?”
He turns to face me. “From you?”
“Well, yeah.” I roll my eyes. Like this is no big thing.
But it feels like a very big thing. A scary thing.
“If you want.” He starts heading for the short line to get rung up and I fall into step behind him.
“Are you getting me something for Christmas?” Oh, I sound pathetic. Silly. Maybe even a little desperate.
The smile he sends in my direction makes me catch my breath. “I’ve considered it. Even came up with a few options.”
My curiosity is piqued now. “Like what?”
“I can’t tell you. It should be a surprise.”
I’m scowling. I can feel it. “I hate surprises.”
He just laughs, stopping at the back of the line to purchase the bird. I’m standing next to him, thinking of all the things he could possibly get me for Christmas/my birthday. I wish I could spend it with him. I’ll be expected to spend the day with my parents and any other year, I would have no problem with that. I didn’t need guests on my special day. We always planned a small party afterward with my friends, and this year, for my eighteenth, I planned on having a big bash.
All of those plans went away. Evaporated, just like most of my friendships did. Now the only person I want to spend my birthday with is Crew.
Would he want to join us? Would my father even allow it? Even if Daddy approved, it would be a big deal, having Crew come meet my parents. I don’t know if he would even want to. That makes our relationship seem so serious.