“Don’t,” Lo says, clipping my bandeau back. “I’d rather not drink spit with my Fizz, and we all fucking know that’s where this is headed. So leave.”
Poppy says. “You can cancel my order. I think it’s for the best if you stay inside.”
The server nods and disappears at her wish.
I stand immediately. “I’m going to the bathroom and maybe to the pool.” The words sound static and hurried, but no one questions them, except Lo. He collects his things and follows me indoors and to our cabin.
I don’t look at him. I head to the tiny, tiny bathroom and turn the one-person shower to freezing cold.
I hear clinking, and I glance back just as he gulps straight whiskey from the bottle. He licks his lips and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, pissed. When his eyes meet mine, he finally says, “Did you orgasm?”
My entire body flushes. “Not really,” I mumble.
He nods to himself, staring dazedly at the ground. “Did you get aroused from me or him?”
I frown. “Does it matter?” I already feel awful about the whole event. “You shouldn’t have been teasing me like that, Lo. I’m already tense as it is.”
“I was trying to help,” he snaps.
“By making me want to have sex on the sun deck?!” I shout. “That’s not helping. You made the situation worse.”
His face twists in anger and hurt. He plops on the edge of the double bed and puts the bottle to his lips again. Then he says, “If you have sex with that fucking asshole, we’re done.”
I hesitate by the bathroom. “What?” My voice goes small. For some reason, I think he’s talking about our friendship. His glazed, reddened eyes tell me so.
He lets his words hang in the air while I internally freak out, imagining a world without him. So very alone.
“What do you mean, Lo?” My heart hammers.
“We’re done,” he says. “You really think your family will accept the fact that you cheated on me with the staff? No, we’ll have to break up.”
Our fake relationship, that’s what he’s talking about. I exhale. “I’ll be careful.”
His eyes narrow, heated. “So you’re going to sleep with him?”
I shrug. “I don’t have much of a choice.”
He shakes his head. “Un-fucking-believable.” He stands up and takes his bottle with him, turning his back on me.
“You don’t understand,” I start, quickly trying to defend what my body craves. “I can’t stop thinking about it, Lo. My legs are shaking. My hands are shaking. I feel like I’m being set in a blender. I just need someone…”
“Stop.” His voice sounds pained again. “Just…stop.”
I’m so confused. “What do you want me to do? I can’t go without it. You’re drinking!” It’s so unfair. “Why can’t I have sex?”
“Because we’re supposed to be together!” he yells. “You’re supposed to be my girlfriend.” Before I can ask him to elaborate, he goes to the door, purposefully trying to avoid my questions. “I’ll be at the pool.”
*
I spend most of the day shivering in a shower, trying to force myself to forget Lo and the male server and body parts. Self-love does nothing but frustrate me, and I sink to the cold tiles, crying the pain away.
Lo confuses me. Does he want to be with me? Or is he just afraid I’m going to ruin our lie? I can’t find the meaning to his words, no matter how hard I repeat them.
I skip dinner, but Rose barges in my room and knocks on the door. “What are you doing in there?”
I shut off the faucet and wrap a towel around my wet, wrinkly skin. When I step out of the bathroom, she appraises my state. I mutter, “We had a fight.”
“You and Lo?” Her eyes harden. “What’d he do?”
I shake my head. “I’m not even sure.” Tears build again.
“That asshole,” she says before going to my suitcase. “I knew something was wrong at dinner.” Did he look trashed? My heart sinks at the thought of Lo drinking himself into oblivion because of me.
“How so?” I ask.
She finds my charcoal bathing suit and hands it to me. “He was really quiet,” she says, actually not making a snide remark. “He excused himself early, and I saw him sit on the deck and watch the sunset.”
“Oh,” I say softly. I finger the bathing suit. “What’s this for?”