‘And instead you’ve repeated the behaviour.’
He looked appalled. ‘But I didn’t mean to! Do you think they’ll forgive me? If I promise to be different? ’Tis desperate when people are cross with me.’
‘Learn to live with it,’ I said.
Miserably he twisted. ‘No. I’ll ring them and say sorry. Can I do it now?’
I shook my head. ‘I know this is hard. You’ve so little love for yourself that you crave it from others – and this goes for all of you, by the way – but you need to learn to sit with the discomfort.’
‘I’m breaking it off with Maudie. I can’t believe the neck of the woman, coming in here, acting like she’s something special –’
‘You asked her to marry you,’ Harlie said.
‘Shur, how could I do that when I’m already married?’
‘You tell us. You’re the one who did it.’
‘Ah! ’Twas a moment of madness. Probably … To tell ye the truth, I’ve no memory of proposing. The first I knew of it was Maudie bundling me into the car, one morning, for us to go to Athlone to pick out a ring. I’d asked her the night before, she said. But maybe I didn’t! Maybe she was making it all up! One thing is for sure, Maudie’s for the high jump. What a thing to do to my wife and children!’
‘Fuck you,’ Harlie said. ‘You’re the one who cheated, then tried to wife your side-piece! Maudie did nothing wrong, this is all on you.’
Dennis scrambled to defend himself. ‘The only thing I can be blamed for is taking up with the wrong woman. Next time I won’t pick a mad yoke. Harhar.’
A circle of stony faces stared at him, in silence.
‘Harhar?’ he repeated, a little sweatily.
When, once again, he was met with impassive silence, real fear passed behind his eyes.
43
‘Why does your ex-husband keep inviting you to things?’ Quin asked.
‘Twice. Two things. And, technically, it was Kallie who invited us to the first thing and it’s his dad now. So? You think you’ll come?’
‘No, Rach. That would be mad. Hey! Don’t look at me like that, you know it would. I’m going climbing on Saturday. But even if I wasn’t I still wouldn’t go to my partner’s ex-husband’s dad’s birthday.’
‘Often people are friends with their partner’s exes and their families.’
‘Thing is, you’re not friends with your ex.’
Nor could I imagine us ever actually being real friends, I realized. The connection Luke and I had shared had been too intense to survive a transition to something as wholesome as friendship. I wanted other things from him – remorse, atonement. And once I had them, I could let go completely.
‘Do you want to go?’ Quin asked.
‘“Want” isn’t the word. I feel I should go. Like taking liquid iron – it tastes disgusting but it’s for my good. I’d like an explanation from Luke. Actually, I’d love one. An apology would be even better. But he’s not going to do that off his own bat – if he was, he’d have done it by now. It won’t happen unless I kind of … insist. But you matter to me, Quin, you matter a lot, and I’m not going if it bothers you.’
Frowning, his eyes roamed over my face. ‘If it’s for your good, then you should go.’
‘How much do you mind?’
‘I don’t know.’ His vulnerability surprised me. Then he disappeared behind his macho shell. ‘Nah, I’m good, Rachel, do what you need to do. Nola says you’re stuck. So get unstuck. Get your apology. Destroy the motherfucker! So what’s going on with this soup?’ He turned to the pot bubbling on my kitchen hob and tasted a mouthful. ‘God, that’s good. Maybe some more salt?’
I shooed him away. He always interfered when I cooked. ‘Open the wine,’ I said. ‘They’ll be here in a minute.’
‘Promise there won’t be vampires.’ Timothy peered at Quin through the steam in my kitchen.
Quin sucked his teeth. ‘Sorry, dude. Can’t.’
‘Brown bears?’ Taryn had done her research. ‘They really are found in Transylvania.’
‘We didn’t see any last year.’ I tasted the soup one more time and decided to call it done.
‘We’ll be fine,’ Quin said. ‘Fine.’
Taryn took a cautious sip from her glass – then a second more enthusiastic one. ‘Hold on!’ She sounded surprised. ‘This wine is very drinkable. You’re sure it’s from Transylvania?’