‘Could you wait! At seventeen forty …’ She paused and yelled, ‘Hours!’
That Helen had broken her so quickly was an indication of how far off her game she was. Taking a moment to rearrange her neck, then square her shoulders, she carried on. ‘At seventeen forty hours, Rachel picks up Anna, Angelo and the eighty goody bags. Their ETA is eighteen fifty. Hours. Rachel does the drop-off and leaves.’
‘Yeah, no, I might be staying. I’ll let you know.’
‘You might want to hurry it up, it’s only three days away,’ Helen said.
‘I can handle it,’ Claire said darkly. ‘Oh yeah, good old Claire can handle anything. Any. Fucking. Thing. Right! Where was I? Yeah, so Anna and Angelo will check the place-names, just in case I made a mistake, which I never do, but it’d be sod’s law. When Artie arrives, I’d also like him to take a quick look. He’s good at detail.’
‘Not all he’s good at,’ Helen murmured from her supine position. We ignored her. She only said those things to distress Mum.
‘At nineteen hundred hours, all the guests, including Helen, Artie and Helen’s Best Friend Bella Devlin, will assemble in the party room and undergo several practice rounds of yelling, “SURPRISE!”’
‘What if my sisters are late?’ Mum asked anxiously. ‘And they miss the practice?’
‘They won’t be late.’ Claire was confident. ‘Old people are early for everything.’
‘They’re probably queueing in the car park already,’ Helen said. ‘And we’re still seventy hours out.’
‘And they won’t get any champagne until they’ve proved they can do it properly.’ Claire gave a grim laugh. ‘Oh, they’ll be there.
‘At eighteen thirty hours, Margaret will pick up Mum and Dad. Five minutes out from the hotel, Margaret sends a WhatsApp, everyone assumes the positions we’ve practised, Dad will lead Mum in, we all yell, “Surprise!” And we’re off to the races!’ She cocked an ear. ‘Whose phone is ringing?’
‘Mine.’
‘Luke Costello the Luddite again?’
No. It was Quin and I didn’t pick up. A minute later, a voice-note beeped.
‘Not talking to me?’ He sounded sheepish. ‘Fair dues. So. I’m over my sulk. Come by tomorrow. I’ll cook.’
As the final committee meeting broke up, Helen collared me. ‘I’m checking in with you.’
‘I –’
‘Oh, Christ.’ She could see it in me. ‘Costello?’
‘Yeah. I –’ I couldn’t find the words to convey just how much I wanted him.
But she nodded. She got it. ‘Makes sense. After what you both went through. That bond …’ She sighed. ‘I guess it’s adiós Dr Spork. Pity. I liked him. Him and his weirdo presents.’
‘No! No. That’s not what I …’ I stopped. I didn’t know what I wanted.
‘So? A night of mad sex with Costello? Draw a line under the whole business?’ She shrugged. ‘Could work. And remember, even though I’m woejus at both sympathy and empathy, I’m here for you.’
77
A night of lucid dreams followed: a vivid movie reel of pictures and sensations where I was pregnant with Yara. But she died. No, she was right here, under my hand, still in my body! She shifted, tumbling me onto my side and everything was all okay. Thank you, God. Suddenly I was giving birth, the pain worse than I remembered but it was what I deserved. I heard Luke crying – except it was actually Quin and, oh! Here was a full box of Ambien! Then Luke was gone and I was cold and alone. But a man was in bed with me … Quin? He must have let himself in with his key. Except this could actually be a dream? Clenching my muscles I discovered that a man was definitely with me and in my body and perhaps it wasn’t Quin, but Luke? That thought made my body obediently orgasm and I couldn’t keep doing this, not with Luke and – I jolted awake, flung into the day on a surge of powerful emotions, to realize that Quin was trying to FaceTime.
Still trapped in my vivid, jumbled dreams, my body was shaking. Incapable of speaking to Quin, I watched my iPad until the noise stopped. Soon after, he sent a text. Now I’m worried. You coming to me tonight?
If I replied immediately he’d know I’d ignored his call. But it felt wrong to wait, say, half an hour, because that would mean we were in the realm of lies.
But Quin and I were already in a different place, he just didn’t know it yet. How had we moved so far off course, so quickly? Picking up my phone, I quickly clicked, I’ll be with you about 7. Got to drop headphones off to JJ first. x After work I went to Margaret’s lovely, calm house, with the headphones. It had been a hard day, spent obsessing about Luke while feeling torn apart by guilt about Quin.