‘It is sex.’
‘You know what I mean,’ I said. ‘Well, I know. Yes, I’m sure.’
Still he wavered, so I repeated, ‘Luke. I’m sure.’
Almost under his breath, he asked, ‘Why am I even arguing?’ And with three or four deft hooks and sweeps of his thumbs, removed the rest of my clothes.
He arranged me on the bed and the second his lips touched the inside of my thigh, my body remembered everything. The response was as intense as it had ever been. In moments, with short, breathy gasps, I was pulsing into the heat of his mouth.
Staying until the last of the ripples quietened, he laughed softly. ‘Well.’ He seemed ridiculously happy. ‘That was easy.’
‘Like riding a bike.’ I was floaty and dazed. ‘Come here. Before …’
His angry-looking erection appeared about to explode.
‘Wait!’ He clicked his tongue as he remembered. ‘My jacket …’ Was downstairs on the hall floor, where we’d flung it.
‘It’s okay.’ I was already opening a drawer. ‘In here.’
He removed a foil square, tearing it open with his teeth, unrolling and smoothing it along his length. Transfixed, I watched his hands move in ways that were familiar and wildly erotic. And, oh God, the heft of his body, the grace of it as he shifted and slid into me. I clenched around him, almost choking from so much sensation.
‘I know,’ he whispered, his eyes so dark they looked black.
Welded together, locked the length of each other, his gaze fixed on mine – and still it wasn’t close enough. Slowly, tenderly, every movement was meaningful, every breath felt sacred.
Our movements gathered speed until, without much warning, his breathing became harsher, more urgent. ‘Rachel –’ His voice was hoarse. ‘I can’t –’ Then he was shuddering against me, goosebumps popping on his skin.
For the longest time, we lay stunned and wordless. I could have stayed, my face to his chest, inhaling him, forever.
Eventually, he spoke. ‘I’m sorry it was so quick.’
Light-heartedly, I said, ‘You must really fancy me.’
‘Nothing new there. But it’s not like I haven’t been –’ Abruptly he stopped.
‘Haven’t been what?’
‘Oh, you know.’ He rolled over and grinned into my face. ‘Since – what day was it? Wednesday? The place by the stream. You, behind me, on the bike.’ He squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Christ.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously.’
‘… Tell me.’
‘I dropped you home, went back to Justin’s, barely got into my room. Just about got my jeans open …’ He shrugged. ‘Every time I think about you, I go hard. And the problem is I can’t stop thinking about you. I haven’t been like this since I was fourteen. I’m sore from it.’ He hesitated. ‘Does that make me pathetic? Disgusting? I told you, the past, the present, it’s all mixed up. I’m a mess.’
Oh.
Hearing that he’d spent the last few days as affected as I’d been filled me with joy. But the implication that he only fancied me because his emotions were all over the place?
I was disappointed. Far too disappointed.
It was a reality check though, one I should be grateful for.
‘Me too,’ I managed. ‘A mess, like.’
Sometime in the pre-dawn, drowsy and heavy, we woke, our limbs intertwined. With one slick move, he was inside me, and my body was already in flames even while I was still marvelling, Oh my God, it’s Luke.
Afterwards we lay in bottomless silence, my head on his chest, his arms hard and tight around me. In my soul and in my body was a deep peace. Here, in this bed with him, even the loss of Yara was lighter.
Outside, the chirping of the first birds began and light was creeping under the curtains.
‘Are you okay?’ Luke spoke into the room.
I shifted, in order to see his face. ‘Better than okay. I’m really grateful to … the universe? Well, whoever’s in charge, for this.’
‘Tell me,’ he said. ‘How’s your sleep these days?’ But there was compassion in his voice, not judgement.
‘Still my weak point, the first thing to go when I’m upset. I’ll never be one of those lucky people who’re out like a light the moment their head hits the pillow. But I’m okay most of the time.’
After a while, I sent him downstairs for water. ‘In the fridge,’ I said. ‘Bring up a bottle. Mind Crunchie doesn’t lick you to death.’