‘Nothing since the text last Monday. And there won’t be, until I send those photos.’
‘C’mon, let’s get moving. Need to keep my heart rate up. My Fitbit gives me an electric shock every time it falls below a hundred beats per minute.’
‘What? Seriously?’
‘No. But it’s actually a good idea. An electric shock would be a great oul’ motivator.’
‘Claire …’
Crunchie barked and tried to escape out the front door.
‘No!’ Claire said. ‘That dog is not to come. I need to stride. That shortarse just wriggles on her belly.’
I persuaded my little doggie back inside and Claire and I set off.
‘Give me an update on your crash-and-burn status,’ she said.
‘No sign of it yet –’
‘– but it will. You’re still high on Costello man-lurve.’
‘I’m very sad about Quin, though. It’s difficult for him, he’s not used to rejection. He’s more vulnerable than you’d guess.’
‘Are you angry about him and Golden?’
‘More … hurt. Not really surprised, though. It’s Quin, it’s how he rolls.’
‘I’d say he’ll “reach out” to you.’
I shook my head. ‘He’s all bravado. Not going to happen.’
‘But …’ Claire was thoughtful. ‘… because of that self-same bravado, I could see him swaggering in and declaring, “Giddy up, girlie, your luck just changed, I’m taking you back.” Right?’
‘Maybe.’ On balance though, I reckoned he’d stay gone.
‘Would you get back with him? If he did that?’
‘I don’t … know. Not “in this moment”。 I’m not sure of anything. It all needs to settle.’
‘Because you still love Luke?’
‘… not. I don’t. No.’
‘You don’t sound very sure.’
‘Claire. That night with Luke, it was … amazing.’ To put it mildly. ‘But I’ve no idea what he’s like now, not really. He could be a Trump supporter –’
‘Rachel!’ she hissed.
‘Who knows? Six years is a long time. These days he rides horses. He’s more holy than he was. And they’re just the externals. The person he once was, the things I loved – his sunny nature, his openness to life – they might be all gone.’
She was getting it now; I could see it. Perversely, that upset me.
‘He told me several times.’ The words tumbled from my mouth. ‘He said things like, I’m not the man I used to be, and, These days my relationships are different. Like, he told me, Claire.’ My voice had begun to shake.
‘But he seemed the same,’ she said. ‘Dancing with the aunties. Being sweet to everyone.’
Suddenly exasperated, I asked, ‘Claire, why aren’t we talking about Kallie? Luke has a partner! He cheated on her! How “sweet” was that?’
That silenced her. There was no way that could be reconfigured into something acceptable.
‘Do you think he told her?’ she asked. ‘About sleeping with you?’
I nodded.
‘That’s the vibe I’m getting,’ she said. ‘Every few days she posts on the socials about her music – yeah, I spy on her, got your back, babes – but Luke has been back there nearly a week now and she hasn’t posted a single “Me and My Hot Man” shot.’
Yes, I’d been also spying on Kallie. Mostly because it was impossible to spy on Luke – there was still no sign of him on any platform.
However, I hadn’t been spying on Quin. I’d quietly unfollowed him on Instagram. And Golden. Even Shiv. If Quin was with Golden, I’d feel bad, but if he was on his own, I’d also feel bad.
The difference between my interest in Luke and my interest in Quin was fantasy versus reality. Luke was thousands of miles away on another continent. There was almost nothing I could do to influence events. But with Quin, if I got overwhelmed with missing him, or seized by sudden fury about Golden, I could – in theory, anyway – turn up on his doorstep. And I knew enough to know that I knew nothing. Not right now. I had to wait this out.
‘From what you told me,’ Claire said. ‘Kallie’s mad about Luke. They’ll work through it. Soon as she’s back on her feet, the photos will resume.’ Suddenly Claire pivoted. ‘Or maybe she won’t forgive him. Okay, I’m going to say something here – maybe he doesn’t want to be forgiven! Maybe you and he have a future?’