‘Did you get home safely that night?’ I asked.
‘Um, no. So I drove the car into a wall –’
‘– the front window of a house,’ I corrected.
‘Hold up, there!’ Roxy exclaimed. ‘Is that how you broke your collarbone? Was that “the accident”？’
‘Yes!’ Ella was smiling but red-faced, caught out.
‘I thought you’d slipped on the ice or something,’ Roxy said.
Of course Ella had been vague about how she’d come by her injury, trying hard to muddy any link between broken bones and sleeping tablets.
She’d try to stick to a simplified, sanitized version of what she’d done but the real story would be revealed over the next days and weeks. Unless, of course, she started having sex with one of the other patients behind the sofa in the rec room. And from the longing glances she kept giving Chalkie, anything was possible.
12
In the staff room, I gathered up my stuff.
‘You sure you’re okay?’ Murdo asked. ‘Quin will be back …？’
‘Sunday morning.’ I wished he was back already.
‘What are you up to now?’
‘Meeting Claire in Dundrum for a burger.’ And a debrief.
‘Dundrum.’ He winced. ‘All those shops and shit. The fake waterfall … So, enjoy it. If that’s actually possible. See you Monday.’
‘Well?’ Claire asked as she briskly deconstructed her burger, discarding the bun and offering me her chips. ‘Did you get to talk to him?’
I shook my head. I was already regretting not having gone to Justin’s house. I’d had a chance to corner Luke, maybe quiz him about the reasons he’d left me, but I’d turned it down.
‘He saw me, though. He knows I was there.’
‘Good stuff, good stuff.’ A meaningful pause. ‘How did he look?’
‘Upset.’
‘Well, yeah, obvs.’ For about half a second her expression was fake-sorrowful, then she lost interest. ‘But is he still … hot?’
Hey, there was no getting around this. ‘Yeah, Claire.’ I sighed. ‘Still hot.’
‘Full head of dark hair? Eyes intense and brooding? Body still sexy af?’
My stomach felt sick. ‘Yes.’ Then, ‘Yes. And yes.’
‘Yeah.’ She lapsed into thoughtful silence, then hit me with her full beams. ‘You know, I was going to say, “That’s a shame.” That maybe it would have been better for you if the wheels had come off. But a man as hot as Luke Costello, it would be, like, a terrible loss to the world.’
‘This isn’t making me feel any better. Just in case that was your intention.’
‘Sorry, babes. Eat your … whatever it is, vegetarian thing. So listen, you’re going to feel weird for a few days. Your sleep will be affected, you’ll eat lots of ice-cream and the sneaker-makers of the world should brace themselves for a spike in sales. But this too shall pass.’
She was right. That was the great thing about being not-young: knowing through practical experience that feelings, even the worst of them, calm down and eventually ease. They’re probably not gone forever – that was another thing I’d learnt: the notion of ‘closure’ is unrealistic. If I’d felt an emotion once, it stayed on file for-ev-er and could be reactivated if the conditions were right – or, more accurately, wrong.
‘What was he wearing?’ she asked.
‘A suit.’
‘Pics?’
‘Claire …’
‘Tight trousers?’
‘Not obscenely so.’
‘Now that is a shame.’ Then, ‘Yeah. Sorry, Rachel, sorry. Anyway! Why would you care about Luke when you’re getting it from Nick Quinlivan on the regular! Sexy man, is Quin, is all I’m saying.’
Even before Claire had met Quin, she’d liked the sound of him. She’d scolded me for writing him off after our first date.
‘He was honest with you,’ she’d said. ‘He made a mistake by cheating on his wife, and now he’s trying to do better. And do you honestly think you’re going to meet someone who hasn’t fucked up at some stage? It’s human nature, we all do it. Give him a chance, would you?’
And, surprising myself, I’d decided I might. There had been a shift in how I felt about myself since the meditation weekend. There was definitely some forgiveness, some healing. That alone made me feel positively towards Quin.
And – unexpectedly – I’d fancied him.