But already my head was racing ahead, going the Full Catastrophe: Kate and Devin having noisy sex in the bedroom next to mine; Kate and Devin sprawled on the couch watching Netflix, me brooding on an armchair, third-wheeling with jealous tension.
Much as I loved Kate, we could no longer share a house, not if there was a chance of bumping into Luke’s nephew on the regular, seeing him emerging bare-chested from the bathroom, a towel wrapped low around those narrow Costello hips.
It might be uncomfortable. But it’s an opportunity.
An opportunity for what?
Personal growth.
Internally, I sighed. Wretched personal growth. Always so unpleasant.
‘So, ah, tell me about Devin,’ I said, making the effort. ‘What age is he?’
Kate’s face lit up. ‘Same as me! Twenty-three. Our birthdays are only seventeen days apart, we’re practically twins!’
Oh God.
Shyly, she admitted, ‘It’s the first time since Isaac that I’ve really liked someone. And he’s in a band so he gets who I am. Except’ – she pre-empted my question – ‘they haven’t made it yet. So he’s got no money. Another thing we have in common.’ Her laugh was nervous and I felt shitty.
‘I’m delighted you’ve met someone.’ I was able to at least half mean it. ‘It makes no difference whose nephew he is.’
‘Oh, really?’ Her face flashed with relief. ‘I’m so happy you’re not raging with me. It’s just, you know that thing when you meet a person and you feel like you’ve known them forever?’ Dreamily, she added, ‘Not just that, though. He is SO hot.’
No disagreeing with that.
I got Crunchie’s lead and, delirious with delight, she came running. Usually we just did a lap of the village, which took twenty minutes at most. But tonight we went up into the woods.
My house was one of sixteen, hidden on the edge of a sleepy Wicklow townland. With granite cladding and plenty of the original foliage, an effort had been made to blend them with the landscape. But the locals weren’t keen on us blow-ins. Apparently, after we’d lived here for seventy years, they might talk to us in the shops. In the meantime, every transaction was a bit of an ordeal.
Still, it was lovely to live walking distance from Actual Nature.
Crunchie was off the lead and snuffling around in a state of frenzied bliss but she kept coming back to check on me. I’d had a rough few days – ever since that call from Joey – and she’d noticed.
With this Kate–Devin business, I wondered if the universe was telling me to move in with Quin?
For too long I’d held Luke and me as the Gold Standard. But, with a few adjustments, I could live very happily with Quin. And there was no need for us to start fresh in a new home that we’d bought together, no need to uproot his kids.
Would Quin and I last long term? I hadn’t a clue and what did it matter? I’d thought Luke and I would be together forever and I couldn’t have been more wrong. All there was, was now. And now was good.
18
On Monday morning it wasn’t even seven thirty when I let myself into the Cloisters. After waking at 6 a.m. I couldn’t get back to sleep so decided I might as well be doing something useful.
Down in the kitchen, someone was giving a very loud, high-pitched version of a schmaltzy song. The name ‘Demis Roussos’ flashed in my head. ‘La la, la la la, la lala la lala, you’ll BEEEEEEEEEEEE THE WAN!!!’
I followed the noise and found Dennis serenading Ella while they prepared breakfast for the house. The newbies always got the worst jobs.
‘You’ll BEEEEEE THE WAN!!’
‘Stop,’ Ella was pleading, doubled over with hilarity. ‘I’m officially deceased.’
‘Did I ever tell you about the time I entered The Voice of Ireland?’ Dennis was saying. ‘No word of a lie.’
‘I almost believe yo– Jesus Christ!’ Ella had spotted me. She looked as if she’d seen an apparition. ‘Where did you come from? Have you been here all night?’
I gave my enigmatic smile.
‘Rasher sangwidge?’ Dennis offered.
Another of my enigmatic smiles. ‘Is that a yes or a no?’ he beseeched.
‘It’s a no.’
And here came Ted, hungry for details. ‘How are you, Rachel?’
‘Fine, Ted. Everything is fine.’
It wasn’t entirely true but in time it would be.
‘Your ex has left the country?’
‘Probably.’ I made myself smile again. ‘Either way, it’s grand.’