Looking for a tiny piece of connection, a link to the man I knew, a way back in, I’d have promised anything.
From his wintery stare, it was clear he wasn’t interested. I whispered, ‘Have you no compassion?’
He met my eyes, assessing my naked desperation – and his response was indifference.
Shaken, I tried to reconnect with the present. I am here in 2018. I am safe. I survived.
Quin was asking Kallie, ‘How did you get so much time off work? To be in Dublin with Luke?’
‘Are you kidding?’ Kallie exclaimed. ‘I’m working remotely. I can work anywhere, all I need is Wi-Fi and coffee. I have a gig in, like, two weeks so I’ll scoot back for that.’
‘What about you, man?’ Quin asked Luke.
‘Same. Working remotely. Fitting it in around my dad.’
‘He has his own company.’ Kallie sounded proud.
Luke shook his head. ‘Only small.’
‘Eight members of staff, honey. Nearly double figures.’
For someone who never noticed other people drinking, I nonetheless noticed that the first bottle of wine had disappeared in no time.
‘Should we …？’ Quin consulted Kallie, then Luke. ‘Get another?’
‘Sure!’ Kallie was all for it. ‘If it’s still okay with Rachel?’
Quickly, I said, ‘It’s still okay with Rachel.’ In no universe would I let myself be painted as Mrs Judgy! Not tonight.
‘How did you guys meet?’ Kallie directed her question to Quin.
Quin cleared his throat. ‘On a meditation weekend.’ He straightened himself in his chair.
‘Cute! The couple who pray together, stay –’
‘Haha, no one said anything about praying.’ Quin shut that down fast. ‘So, on our first date, we went to an escape room. That’s when I knew she was the woman for me.’
‘We’ve never done an escape room, have we, hon?’ Kallie asked Luke. ‘I’d love to!’
‘When you do, you need Rach on your team.’ Quin smiled around the table. He was working hard here. ‘She found clues stashed everywhere.’
Call me pathetic but I enjoyed Quin’s praise.
‘She was an absolute natural,’ he said.
‘Really?’ Luke spoke – and there was something weird in his tone.
‘Yeah,’ Quin said. ‘She found things hidden in the most unlikely places. Unbelievable stuff.’
My gaze snagged off Luke’s and bumped up against an emotion I couldn’t identify. Some sort of distress? Or was it anger …？ Definitely something strong. Then, breaking the strange mood, a flurry of plates was being slung before us by a crack squad of fast-moving waiters, armed with insulated tea towels and promises of ‘more potatoes’。
‘Wow!’ Kallie stared at her mountain of food. ‘This looks …’
‘Edible?’ Quin asked, to awkward laughter. ‘Let’s hope.’
Light had appeared at the end of the tunnel. Quin had been instructed to say no to dessert and coffee, so the torment would end soon.
I picked up my knife and fork, but something was stopping me from launching straight into the food. I was waiting for Quin to photograph the meal, the way he often did in restaurants, that’s what it was. Then, just as quickly, I knew there was no way he’d be bragging about tonight’s dinner.
‘Rachel, can I ask a question?’ Kallie asked.
‘Course.’ It was only then I realized that she was already drunk.
‘Do you ever miss … getting buzzed? Going a little crazy? It’s so fun to get waved with your man. Do you miss that?’
‘No.’ I smiled through a jaw that was beginning – just slightly – to clench.
‘Sometimes Luke and I smoke weed out on his deck and put on loud music and dance and … no? You don’t miss that?’
‘Kal,’ Luke said. ‘Maybe you could stop with this –’
‘It’s okay.’ I was tight-lipped, I didn’t need him to fight my corner.
‘But, Quin, don’t you sometimes wish you had a girlfriend who could drink. Get a little high? Hey, if I’m being offensive, please tell me. I just … want to understand.’
I tensed. There were times that Quin did mind but if he even hinted at it now, I would never speak to him again.
‘Are you kidding?’ Quin said. ‘Rachel is amazing in a million different ways and I have a designated driver always. But hey.’ With a conversational swerve that almost gave us whiplash, he said, ‘Why don’t you tell us what it’s like living in Denver?’