Dot Matrix: That was my virgin-alarm. It’s programmed to go off before you do!
As a special treat, I got John Hurt to reprise his role from Alien （1979） in which a terrifying creature horrifically bursts out of his chest. We had our own version of the creature once more burst out of John’s chest and he got a great laugh when he said: “Oh no…not again!” But I couldn’t stop there, so I had the creature go on to sing and dance “Hello My Baby” complete with waving a straw hat and a cane!
Me as President Skroob chuckling with Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet. （I’m pretty sure that’s him in there.）
One of the most memorable lines in the movie is Dark Helmet’s order to Colonel Sandurz as they chase after the princess:
Colonel Sandurz: Prepare the ship for light speed.
Dark Helmet: No, no, no, light speed is too slow!
Colonel Sandurz: Light speed, too slow?
Dark Helmet: Yes, we’re gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed.
Literally “combing the desert” in Spaceballs.
Even though we invented ludicrous speed, somehow it caught on! Obviously famous Tesla automaker Elon Musk is a fan of Spaceballs. His cars feature a ludicrous mode and he’s even announced that for a future model they’ll be “going to plaid.” Which happens later in Spaceballs when, in a twist on Star Trek’s warp-speed visual effect, the Spaceballs One ship actually goes to “plaid.”
Another of my favorite running bits in Spaceballs was inspired by Blazing Saddles, in which I had the entire town of Rock Ridge all have the last name Johnson.
I did the same thing in Spaceballs, it goes like this:
Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: [turns to Dark Helmet, revealing he is incredibly cross-eyed] Sorry, sir! I’m doing my best!
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Spaceballs Officer: I did, sir. He’s my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What’s his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole!
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole too, sir. Gunner’s Mate First Class Philip Asshole!
Dark Helmet: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
[The entire bridge crew stands up and raises their hands.]
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I’m surrounded by assholes!
* * *
—
Terry Marsh, my friend and the brilliant production designer who did such a great job on To Be or Not to Be, also did a spectacular job on Spaceballs. In a strange way he brought space down to earth, with exaggerated visual space clichés like the super white vast interiors of the Spaceballs’ ship and the warm, homey-looking inside of the Winnebago. To do his wizardry, Terry took over Studio 15 at MGM. He kept reminding me that this was where they filmed the famous The Wizard of Oz. Sometimes when I was directing, I would imagine seeing Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, and Bert Lahr all cavorting around the same stage.
Instead of the famous signature line from Star Wars, “May the Force be with you,” Ronny, Tom, and I came up with our own version:
Yogurt: I am the keeper of a greater magic, a power known throughout the universe…as the…
Barf: …the Force?
Yogurt: No, the Schwartz!
Sometimes when people recognize me in a restaurant or just walking down the street, I’ll know they’ve seen Spaceballs because they’ll shout, “Hey, Mel! May the Schwartz be with you!”
With my Lone Starr and Princess Vespa, Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga, posing in front of the big statue of just plain Yogurt.
（I think the person who enjoyed it the most was my lawyer Alan U. Schwartz!）
Spaceballs went on to become one of the biggest hits in the Mel Brooks cinematic universe. I think I’ve autographed more Spaceballs posters than for any other Mel Brooks film. I’ve even gotten some letters from young fans that saw Spaceballs before they saw Star Wars. They would often ask me why Star Wars wasn’t so funny.
Tom Meehan, bless his soul, came up with a classic line near the end of the film. It’s when our heroes say a heartfelt and teary goodbye to Yogurt:
Lone Starr: I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
Yogurt: Who knows? God willing, we’ll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
It’s over thirty years later, but I’m still not ruling it out!
Chapter 22
Life Stinks
The country was going through some hard economic times in 1991. To reflect what was going on at the time, I decided to make the film Life Stinks, where I played Goddard Bolt, a billionaire who bets another billionaire that he can live on the streets for thirty days without money. （Never imagining that these many years later, the homeless situation in the country would be even more dire.） When we sat down to talk about it I said, “This is the time for a movie like this.”