Rhodes nodded.
“I was just thinking about that, I guess. How her going on her hike and all those things and how that one decision of hers changed my life completely. How I wouldn’t have moved to Florida and gotten to know my aunt and uncle. How I wouldn’t have gone to Tennessee, and then I wouldn’t have lived that life there… and then eventually ended up back here. Life is just weird, I guess, is what I was thinking about. How one decision that you don’t even make can affect another person’s life so dramatically.
“I just miss her extra today, I guess, and I wish I had answers. I wish I knew what really happened,” I finished telling him, adding a shrug to hopefully make it seem like it was all casual and fine. It wasn’t the first time I had mornings or days like this, and it wouldn’t be the last.
You didn’t survive someone taking a wrecking ball to your existence and not have thousands of fractures to live with the rest of your life.
The hand he had over mine lifted and Rhodes set it on my shoulder, his fingers curling around, lying flat against me. “It was a strange case, and maybe if I didn’t know you, I could see why people would think that. But now that I do—know you, Buddy—I don’t believe she left intentionally. I told you, I don’t know how anybody could let you walk away. Or how anyone could be the one to do the walking. I’m sure she loved you very much.”
“She did,” I told him before pressing my lips together for a second and blinking. “I think so at least.” I swallowed and eyed him. “Can I have a good-morning hug? Is that all right? If not, don’t worry about it.”
He didn’t even use his words.
His answer was to open his arms before coaxing me into them after the first step I took.
And I thought to myself that I fit in them pretty damn well.
His palm skipped over the patting thing he’d done before and went straight into stroking up and down my back once. What was minutes later, when my heart was beating nice and slow and the scent of his laundry detergent clung to my nostrils in a way that I hoped lasted all day, he asked, “Are you going for your hike still?”
“Yeah. Clara hasn’t texted me yet, but we’re going to meet at the trailhead.”
He pulled back just enough for our gazes to meet. The fingers on my back brushed the strap of my bra. “If you change your mind and want to wait, I’m off next Sunday.”
He was offering to go on a hike with me. Why did it feel like a marriage proposal? I knew for a fact he’d already done the trail a couple of times before—as I’d learned the first time I’d tried it—and he knew that I knew that. “I’d rather do a new one another day so you aren’t bored like when we did Four-Mile. If you want to.”
“If you want to,” he agreed. “And I wasn’t bored.”
That made me smile up at him. “And here I thought you were miserable the whole time.”
“No.” His nostrils flared just a little. “If you change your mind, I’m hanging around here today,” he said quietly. “I’ve got a couple of poaching issues I need to check on.”
“I’m going to try and do it; I’ve got everything packed. The faster I get it over with, the faster I can do another one. Maybe with you… if you’re free. Maybe we can get Am to come too. Maybe we can bribe him with food.”
It was his turn to nod before he eyed my collection of water, food, and emergency supplies of a tiny blanket, tarp, flashlight, and first aid kit. I’d gotten pretty decent at figuring out what I needed and how much. It was too long and hard of a trail to go crazy and over pack, but I didn’t want to starve either. I got way too cranky for that. My choices must have been approved by him because he looked back at me and nodded.
His arms let me go, and in the next blink of an eye, he held out a ball of dark blue. “Take my jacket with you. It’s wind and waterproof. It’s lighter than yours, and it’ll be easier to pack.” He gestured for me to take it. “Take your sun protective pants too. There’s a lot of brush on the trail the way you’re taking today. You’ve got trekking poles?”
Something inside of me eased, and I nodded at him.
His gray eyes were steady and somber on me. “Call me when you get there and when you finish.” He paused, thinking about his words before adding, “Please.”
*
I had just parked at the trailhead when my phone happened to ring. It was honestly a miracle that I even got service in the first place, but as I’d learned over the last few months of living in the mountains, sometimes you randomly hit a sweet spot in the perfect place if the elevation was just right. Maybe it helped that I’d switched my cell provider to the same one as Yuki. And based on the altitude my watch was registering, I was way up there.