Instead, I touch Claire’s arm. “Can we talk?”
A wary look crosses her pixie face. She nods.
I gesture at the translator jutting out of my ear. It’s a bit like a conch shell made of metal that sticks out of the side of my head. “I told you what this does, right?”
Again, Claire nods.
“Did I mention that it also allows me to hear a lot of stuff? More than your average person would?”
“Like…？” Her voice is a mere whisper.
I lean in. “Like girls that aren’t mated going to visit men at night.”
Her face flushes an angry red and she jumps to her feet. “You think you’re my mother?”
“What? I–no! I just–”
“I’m an adult,” she says, her fists clenched, and for a moment, I think she’s going to hit me. I’m so surprised by her anger I can only stare at her. “I can have sex for sex’s sake, you know. I can do what I want. And excuse me if I’m trying to find a little fucking comfort in a bad situation!”
“Claire, please. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. That no one’s coercing you–”
“Not all of us are stuck-up prudes like you,” she huffs. She flings her cooked meat into the fire, uneaten, and then storms away out of the cave.
I’m left behind, my mouth hanging open slightly from that outburst. Wow. My feelings are a little hurt but I’m mostly just shocked to hear such a violent outburst from such a small, timid person.
Not all of us are stuck up prudes like you.
Ouch.
“That went well,” Megan comments, rolling over in her bed to look at me.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“The same thing that’s wrong with all of us rejects,” Megan says. “She’s just trying to find a place for herself.”
I bristle a little at her words. “We’re not rejects.”
Her shoulders shrug. “We didn’t resonate. You can’t help but feel a little rejected over that.”
I did…but I also knew why I hadn’t. “Don’t be discouraged,” I tell her. “If you want a family, I am sure at some point you’ll resonate for someone. The healer said that sometimes these things take time.” Which also explained why I hadn’t resonated, but I keep that thought to myself.
She makes a soft snorting noise. “I know why I didn’t resonate, Kira. You don’t have to try and make me feel better.”
“What do you mean?”
She sits up in her nest of furs, and for a moment, the expression on her face is incredibly sad. “I was pregnant, remember?” Her hand touches her stomach. “They sucked it out like it was nothing. And mind you, it was unplanned. Just a stupid night at the club that led to drunken sex. I don’t even know the guy’s last name.”
I say nothing. How can I judge? The life we left behind seems so very long ago.
“But I still think about it,” she says in a soft voice. “I still wonder about it.” She looks away for a moment, then blinks rapidly. “But I think maybe my khui knows my body isn’t ready for another child yet. So maybe it’s giving me time before it puts me back on the horse.”
“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say.
“And Josie has an IUD,” Megan says. “I think that’s why she hasn’t resonated. Maybe the other girls are on some sort of birth control. I’m starting to think that all of us that didn’t resonate just aren’t fertile.” She looks at me. “You on the shot?”
I shake my head.
“Huh.” She shrugs. “So, yeah. Josie hasn’t said, but she’s scared that someone’s going to figure out that she has an IUD and can’t get pregnant, and she doesn’t know how they’ll react. I can’t really blame her for trying to integrate herself.”
I say nothing. Josie has been working herself to the bone, learning how to tan, and weave, and everything else she can think of. I thought she just had a lot of nervous energy to channel. God. I truly am clueless. Of course she’s scared. We all are.
These alien men are interested in us because of what we represent. We’re wombs. We’re a chance for family. If we can’t give them that…at what point do they stop feeding us? Stop housing us?
Suddenly, the walls of the cave feel very narrow and enclosing. I breathe hard. “I…think I need to take a walk,” I tell Megan. I have to get out of here. I’m starting to feel trapped again. The walls feel as if they’re closing in on me. Have we traded one captivity for another?