I do not know what to say. There is much anger in Raahosh’s voice. I think for a minute, in silence. It is very quiet at father’s rocky bedside. “He carried much hate for them. Always.”
Raahosh nods slowly. “And yet he left me with them and protected you. I do not know why this angers me, but it does. You are not to blame.”
I am angry too, and puzzled as to why. I loved my father. I missed him terribly, but after hearing this, I am filled with confusion and resentment for him. He never told me about Raahosh. He never told me that he had to force my mother to stay with him. I no longer know what to think.
“When did he die?” Raahosh’s voice is quiet. “I went looking for him many seasons later, but there was nothing left in his old cave.”
I am silent for a long moment, trying to picture which cave Raahosh visited. My father had several he passed through from season to season, and I did the same. It’s how I avoided the bad ones for so long while on my own. Yet I find his admission that he came hunting for his father…satisfying. I like the thought of this man never giving up on his father. It is what I would have done. “I was young. Maybe…” I try to think. “Seven seasons. There was a hunt and he was hurt by a snow-cat. The wound did not heal cleanly and he died of fever.”
Raahosh’s face twists angrily. “Another thing that a healer could have prevented. Did he want to die?”
I have no answer. Now that I know there is a healer, I wonder this myself.
After a time, he speaks again. “You…were alone out here?”
I grunt agreement. Alone for a very, very long time. The thought leaves me aching with more vague resentment, and worry when I think about my mate. I would die if she were to leave me. “When I found Har-loh, I had forgotten many things. She has taught me words again. How to work leather. How to do many things.”
He nods slowly. “The humans are clever. They are soft and fragile, but their minds…” he taps the side of his head, on a scar. “They are like knives. My Leezh can cut with her tongue.” But he grins, as if pleased by the thought.
Har-loh has told me the story of how her people got here. I don’t know if I believe all of it. It sounds too incredible to be true, but judging by this man’s reaction, the humans are new and different to the bad ones, too.
Raahosh stares at our father’s rocky grave for a moment longer, then glances over at me. “It is…good to have family again.”
Are we family? To me, he is still a stranger. Har-loh is the only one I care for. But Raahosh’s oddly familiar presence makes me feel…less alone. So that is something.
Chapter Eight
HARLOW
I feel like crying as we leave our beach cave behind. I’ve been so happy there for the last year, and it feels like home—more so than the tribal caves we’re journeying back to. I feel responsible that we’re having to make this decision, like my body’s betrayal is somehow a choice I made.
If I’m totally honest with myself, a small, worried little part of me wonders if my brain tumor is back. If my khui can’t take the stress of holding it at bay and it’s returning, and that’s why I’ve been so sick. I don’t tell Rukh this, or Liz and Raahosh. It might be nothing, and Rukh would just worry endlessly. My exhaustion and weakness might just be baby related.
But I still worry.
The travel is difficult. Rukh won’t let me carry my pack, insisting that it weighs nothing to him. He simply shoulders it and adds it to his own substantial gear. Me? I can barely lift my feet to put on my snowshoes. The thought of walking for three days seems an impossible trial, made even more difficult by Liz’s boundless energy. She’s been pregnant for longer than me, but she keeps up with the men and even paces ahead at times to investigate tracks （something that makes Raahosh crazy and overprotective）。 Rukh grips my hand, and with him at my side, I feel less overwhelmed.
Still, it isn’t long before my back is sending shooting pains through me, my belly aches, and I can’t walk any longer. Judging from the placement of the twin suns in the milky sky, it’s not even noon yet.
I’ve got to do three days of this. Tears of frustration start to course down my cheeks and I want to plant my feet on the ground and tell them to go on without me. The trail ahead is uneven and hilly, and it’ll only get worse because we’re going into the mountains instead of leaving them behind.
My steps falter in the snow, and Rukh is immediately there, cupping my elbows. “Are you well?”