“Just tired,” I admit. “Can we take a break?”
Liz and Raahosh are ahead of us, and I don’t miss the looks they exchange. I don’t care. I can’t move another step without taking a break. My back feels like one big mass of sore muscles.
“I have better idea,” Rukh says. He tosses our packs off his shoulders and onto the ground. Then, he swings me into his arms and cradles me against his chest. The pressure on my back immediately eases as he snuggles me down against him.
“You – you can’t carry me the entire way,” I protest. He’s strong, but I’m a solid girl and I’m carrying a baby. There’s no way.
“Can I not? You are my mate,” he says in a low voice. “I would do anything for you.”
Raahosh moves to Rukh’s side and swings our packs onto his back. Rukh adjusts me in his arms, and then we continue. I wrap my arms around Rukh’s neck, worried he might lose focus and drop me. But as he steps resolutely through the snow, I relax.
And then I fade into a nap, too tired to stay awake.
? ? ?
The next few days are a blur. My back and stomach feel like raw agony, and I’m so tired and miserable that I don’t want to eat. It seems like every time I turn around, someone is forcing another bit of dried meat into my mouth, until I’m gagging on the taste. I can tell Liz and Rukh both are worried about me, but I’m doing the best I can.
Rukh carries me the rest of the first day, and then all of the second day. By the third, I’m sure his arms must be cramping as he carries me in front of him, but he cradles me as gently as ever against his chest. I doze, feeling feverish. The pain in my side is a constant ache, and the baby kicks and pushes against my organs as if trying to rearrange them. One of us is full of energy, at least.
At some point, I fall asleep again, and when I wake up, the world is quiet. So quiet. Soft, warm fingers caress my brow, and another hand is holding mine tightly. It’s dark, and I blink because there’s no wind on my face. Where are we?
“Be calm,” says a woman’s soft voice. “I am going to speak to your khui.”
Dazed, I realize we’ve somehow made it back to the tribal caves. It is Maylak the healer speaking, her fingers tracing my brow. How long have I been unconscious? I look around and Rukh is there beside me, his hand gripping mine tightly.
Good, he’s here. He hasn’t left me. I give him a small smile to let him know I’m just fine. “I must have fallen asleep again. Have I been out long?”
“A day,” he says, and his hand flexes on mine. There’s a tightness in his voice that tells me of his worry. A full day?
I want to tell him that I’m just fine, but I don’t feel fine. I’m so exhausted and worn out. My head throbs and my throat hurts. Actually, all of me hurts. The baby kicks again and a little bit of tension I’ve been holding inside me releases – whatever happens, the baby is fine. Our baby.
I squeeze Rukh’s hand. This can’t be easy for him. “I love you.”
“You are my heart,” he says thickly.
I know I am. I smile at him again, but then Maylak’s gentle song begins and I feel a weird…excitement in my chest. Not like resonance. It’s something else. My body floods with what feels like endorphins and I feel…good. Just good. Relaxed. Happy.
“Rest,” Maylak says in her gentle voice. Her fingertips smooth over my eyelids, ensuring I close them and obey her. “I will speak to your khui and heal you. But for now? You must rest.”
Rest sounds good, despite the fact that I seem to be doing a lot of sleeping lately. “Is it the baby?” I murmur. I have to know before I can relax.
“Your khui will tell me.”
“While you’re in there checking everything out,” I say sleepily. “Can you make sure everything’s okay…up here?” I touch my forehead. “Just in case? Nothing weird going on?”
Her laughter is like a gentle rainfall, which sounds like such a cliché. But…it fits. Just hearing it makes me feel soothed and at peace. “I will check everything, I promise.”
I nod and squeeze Rukh’s hand again, relaxing. “I’ll be fine, baby. You’ll see.”
And then I fall asleep, sinking back into darkness. In my dreams, I’m holding my child. It has Rukh’s horns and tail, and my reddish hair and freckles. Poor kid. I can’t stop smiling at the thought, though, because the baby is happy and healthy and when he laughs, he looks just like his daddy…