He nods and pulls a hand through his thick, dark hair. “You’re young,” he murmurs. “It’s only—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Don’t dismiss my feelings by bringing up my age. You asked me for my thoughts, and I gave them to you. Take them for what they are, without trying to distort them into something you find easier to handle. If you can’t do that, then don’t ask me what I’m thinking.”
He looks thrown-aback, and I regret my words instantly. I shouldn’t have lashed out at him. Why is it that I’m always making a fool of myself in front of him?
“You’re right,” he says, surprising me. “I apologize, Alanna.”
I nod and pick up a six-pack of fruit juice to tear off the plastic holding the small cartons together. I’m flustered, and I hate feeling this way. I was excited to be spending the day with him, but I shouldn’t have been. Every time we’re together, he makes it clear he doesn’t actually want to be around me. I suppose it’s about time I accept that.
“Ask your question,” he tells me.
I shake my head, dismissing him. “It’s fine.”
Silas reaches over the table and takes the juice cartons from me, placing his hand in mine. “I’m sorry, Alanna. You’re right. I have been treating you the way I would others your age, but it’s undeserved and unwarranted. I won’t do it again, okay?” I nod, and he squeezes my hand. “So ask me your question.”
I look into his eyes and inhale deeply as I gather the courage to ask the one question I’ve been wanting to ask him ever since I ran into him again. “Why are you here?”
Silas pulls his hand off mine and looks away, his smile melting away. “It’s a long story,” he says, his voice soft.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I whisper. I’m being intrusive, and I know it, but I can’t help but be curious about him. He was clearly well off when I first met him, so how did he find himself in this situation?
“The day I first met you? That was also the day that I lost everything. That’s why I avoided you when you first started volunteering here. You were just a reminder of my past, of the person I used to be.”
He falls silent for a moment, his gaze apologetic.
“That day? It was my father’s funeral. I’d just turned eighteen, and it hit me hard. My father was my last remaining family. I have a stepmother and a half-brother, but it always felt different with them. My stepmother and I never got along, you know? Even when I was little, I could feel that she never really liked me.”
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, seemingly lost in thought for a moment.
“When my father passed away, he left everything to my stepmother. Days after the funeral, she kicked me out, leaving me with nothing but my car and whatever cash I had in my account. I couch surfed for a while, staying with friends and acquaintances, but once it became clear that I’d lost everything and would be of no further use to them, they all cast me aside. None of the friendships I thought I had were real, and that realization paired with the loss of everything I’d ever known sent me spiraling down a path I wish I’d never embarked on. If not for Ricardo finding me one day, I’m not sure where I’d be. It’s taking me some time, but I’m putting myself through college. I have every intention of regaining everything I’ve lost. I’ll turn my life back around, one step at a time. When my father passed away, I made him a promise, and it’s one I still want to keep. I’m in no position to do so right now, but I will keep that promise.”
I nod at him, a strange sense of pride washing over me. “I didn’t know you were in college.”
Silas smirks at me. “Where did you think I go most days? I attend classes in the morning and help out around here afterward. Ricardo and I came to an agreement when he first found me. He told me he’d let me have a bed here if I could get into college, and in return for a guaranteed place to stay, I help as much as I can. My student loans are outrageous as it is, so this arrangement has been a blessing to me. I can’t afford to rent a room. I know it’s not ideal, but it works for me. This place is more of a rehabilitation centre than a shelter. They really want you to never come back here once you leave, and they really do support you until you’re ready to stand on your own two feet. It’s a strange thing to say, but in a way, I’m lucky I found myself here.”
“And it won’t be forever,” I tell him. “I have no doubt you’ve got an amazing future ahead of you, Si.”