Chapter Nine
Alanna
I frown when my card is declined at the online dress store I’ve been using for years. I spent weeks picking the dress I want to wear for dinner on my seventeenth birthday, only for the transaction to be declined. My birthday is still several weeks away, but Dad promised to spend all day with me, so I’ve started planning way ahead.
I sigh as I try my card one more time, only for it to be declined again. “That’s weird,” I whisper to myself. Something about this doesn’t sit well with me. I haven’t said anything to Dad, but I’ve noticed the overdue bill notices we get in the post, the one he keeps trying to hide. Each time I make any kind of remark, he shuts me down and tells me not to worry. It’s clear he doesn’t want me to know, but it looks like something might be wrong. Surely the business isn’t in trouble?
I bite down on my lip as I close my laptop and pick up my phone. Should I call Dad and ask him about my credit card? If something truly is wrong, then that’d just add to his worries. I can’t do that. It’s probably better that I bring it up in person.
I check the time and sigh. It’s nearly nine in the evening, and he still isn’t home. When was the last time we even had dinner together? He’s been working far harder than he ever has before, and I can’t help but worry.
I inhale deeply and tighten my grip on my phone as I move from my desk to my bed. On nights like these, I always feel lonely, and I find myself second-guessing my decision to ostracize Caleb. Because I rejected him publicly, multiple times, I’ve found myself becoming a social pariah. No one talks to me unless they’re talking shit about me. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, so I’ve never really had any friends, but now my chances of ever making any are gone.
I glance back at my phone, my mind drifting to Silas. I wouldn’t say we’re friends, per se… but he’s the closest thing I’ve got.
I bite down on my lip, hesitating for a moment as I scroll through my contacts. He gave me his phone number so I could call him if I’m ever in trouble, and I’m not sure he’d be okay with me calling him out of the blue for no real reason. I’m worried that he just sees me as an obligation, someone he has to be nice to because Ricardo values my dad.
I thought we were getting a little closer after we spent an afternoon packaging food together, but I’ve barely even seen him in the last couple of months. I’m not sure if he’s avoiding me, or if he’s just busy with school, but he hasn’t been at the shelter during my weekly visits. When I ask about him, Ricardo always tells me he’s fine and that he’s doing well, but that’s as much as he’ll tell me.
My heart races as I press the dial button, and my eyes widen as I listen to the dial tone. I can’t tell whether I even want him to pick up or not. Part of me wants to just end the call and pretend I butt-dialed him if he ever asks about it, but a larger part of me wants to hear his voice. Maybe it’s silly, but every time I go to the shelter, I secretly hope to catch a glimpse of him. There’s something about him that’s insanely addictive, and in my mind I keep replaying moments I’ve shared with him. When I can’t sleep, I think of the way he held me each time Caleb was around, the way he pulled me against him when he told me to knee him in the balls, the way he sometimes looks at me. I know he isn’t interested in me, but part of me is hoping to change his mind someday.
“Alanna?”
I swallow hard at the sound of his voice and clench my phone tightly. “Silas, hi!”
I let my eyes fall closed and suppress a groan. I’m so awkward, and I’m grateful he can’t see me right now.
Silas chuckles, and the sound of it makes my heart skip a beat. “What’s up?” he asks. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes!” I clear my throat awkwardly and fall back onto my bed. What was I thinking, calling him? “Nothing is wrong… I just, well, I just haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks, and I wanted to know how you are, that’s all.”
“Question for your thoughts?”
I smile to myself, surprised he remembers the conversation we had when we were packing food together.
“My thoughts? I’m not sure there’s all that much on my mind, Si.”
“I’m sure there is,” he says, his tone different to usual. He sounds more relaxed, and even through the phone, he does to me what no one else can… he makes me feel like I’ve got his full attention, like no one but me matters. “What was on your mind before you called me?”