Silas pushes against my shoulder, and I fall back on his bed. “I’ve imagined this, Alanna. Your long hair spread all over my pillows just like that. I still want everything I told you I wanted. The way I see you hasn’t changed in the slightest. If anything, I just adore you even more. The strength and resilience you’ve shown me inspires and astounds me. I thought you were amazing before, but this? There aren’t many people who would handle everything you’ve been through with as much grace as you have. How many people would pay outstanding wages of employees when they have absolutely no obligation to do so? Alanna, in my eyes, you’ve only become more beautiful.”
“Then why… why…”
He smiles at me and turns to lean over me, his body hovering on top of mine. “Why what, baby? What is it you want?”
My cheeks flush, and I tear my gaze away from his.
“Look at me, Ray,” he pleads, his voice soft.
I give in, my eyes finding his. “I once told you that it’s when you’re at your weakest that people are most likely to take advantage of you. Do you remember that?”
I nod, my heart thumping loudly. He’s so close, and I’m so tempted to pull him fully on top of me. I get what he’s saying, but it’s different for us. “You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me,” I promise him. “You’d just be keeping a silent promise you made me on my birthday.”
He smirks and drops his forehead to mine, his breathing uneven. “You make a compelling argument.”
“Then don’t keep me waiting,” I whisper.
Silas pulls away a little before pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead. “Go to bed, baby girl. Let me take you on a date tomorrow. I know how important firsts are to you, so let me do this right, okay? I want you to remember our first kiss for the rest of our lives, so let me make it special.”
Silas pulls away, and I watch him as he runs a hand through his hair, his expression tormented. I can’t help but chuckle at the sight of him. He wants this as much as I do, yet he insists on doing it right. If I could fall any deeper in love with him, I would.
Chapter Twenty
Alanna
I grin as I send off my last scholarship application moments before Silas walks into the bedroom. “Perfect timing,” I murmur, grinning at him.
He closes the door and leans back against it, his gaze filled with barely suppressed need. The last couple of days have been bittersweet. My thoughts keep drifting back to Dad, and each time, my heart stings with fresh pain. But then I think of Silas, and the way he’s helping me, the way he holds me at night, and some of the bitterness fades away.
I should have relied on him from the very start. I never should have pushed him away. The couple of days have proven to me that the way he sees me truly hasn’t changed at all. If anything, the divide between us seems much smaller. He seems more comfortable with me, more open.
“You sent all of them out?”
I nod. “Every single one of them.”
“Well, well, well… who would’ve known you’d be that desperate for a date with me, Ray?”
I giggle and shake my head. “How is that a surprise to you? I’ve been dying to go on a date with you since I was sixteen. I’ve waited for two years, Si. I might actually die if you make me wait any longer.”
He smiles at me with so much affection in his eyes that my heart starts to race. This is how I always imagined he’d look at me. I wonder when he started looking at me differently. I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger, but he never even remotely reciprocated my feelings. When did he stop seeing me as a child? When did he start taking me seriously?
“One day, Ray,” he murmurs. “One day, I’m going to buy you a beautiful dress with some expensive ass shoes, and I’ll ask you to change into that before taking you on a date. I’m going to make you feel like a princess every single day. You won’t lack anything at all. I’m going to make sure that this period of our lives will be something we look back on fondly. It’ll be a time when things were tough, but hope and love kept us going. If we ever find ourselves second-guessing our relationship or our commitment to each other, we’ll remember this period of our lives. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. Per aspera ad astra.”
I stare at him wide-eyed. “Our relationship, huh?”
He smirks and looks down for a moment. “I might be getting ahead of myself,” he says, unable to suppress his smile. “But before the day is over, I’m making you mine. Officially. Irrevocably.”