Her lips brush over my neck, sending a shiver down my spine, and I hold her closer, my hand wrapping into her hair. “Why does that little thing matter to you so much?”
She pulls back to look at me, but I don’t let go of her. It’s been so long since I’ve had her so close.
“I don’t know,” she whispers, her face a mere few inches from mine. “I just know that it’s important to me. Every time I see that embroidered Ψ symbol, my heart feels at ease. This handkerchief is the reason I wanted to join the Ψ division at Sinclair Security. I’ve always felt that Ψ means something to me, that it’s an important clue about my past, but I just can’t figure it out.”
I look into her eyes, wanting to tell her everything. If I do, would she be mine the way she once was? Or would I be tying her to me with the knowledge I have about her? Would I do more harm than good?
“Every time I see the Ψ symbol, everything in my crazy mind feels calm for a moment. I might not know who I am or what happened to me, but when I see that symbol, I feel a sense of belonging. It’s crazy, and I can’t explain it, but it’s just really precious to me.”
I cup her cheek and brush my thumb over her lips. “Is that why you had it tattooed on your rib?” She had the Ψ symbol tattooed onto her rib in the exact same spot I once drew it with a sharpie. Some part of her clearly still remembers me, so what is blocking her memories of me?
She nods, her cheeks turning rosy. “One night, when I felt particularly lonely, I decided to get it done. I may not know why or how, but I know Ψ belongs to me somehow. It’s something I care about. Maybe it’s a project, or the name of a pet. I’m not sure. I just know I feel a deep sense of love and longing whenever I see it.”
I move my face closer to hers, tempted to kiss her. I’ve been struggling with the crazy situation we found ourselves in, wondering what’s best for her, and whether I’m being selfish by forcing her to stay with me, by keeping her from my brother. Just as I’d started to regret my actions, she’s proven to me that it’s all worth it.
“So now I don’t just have to compete with the man you dream of, but also with this little Ψ symbol?”
She smiles and looks away. “You don’t consider Ryan competition?”
“Should I?”
Her smile melts away, and she looks back at me with uncertainty shimmering in her eyes. “You really aren’t joking, are you?”
I shake my head. “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you.”
“But I’m your brother’s ex-girlfriend.”
“No,” I whisper, leaning in a little further, until my lips are brushing over hers. “You’re so much more than that.”
I smile, relieved that she hasn’t pulled away from me, and then I kiss her. Alanna tenses for a moment, but then she kisses me back, her body moving against mine as I deepen our kiss. I pull her fully onto my lap, wanting more of her, and the way she moves against me tells me she feels the same insatiable need.
My hands roam over her body, and I grab a handful of her ass, a moan escaping my lips as she grinds against me. Just as I’m about to turn us over so I’ve got her pinned down underneath me, Alanna pushes away from me, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide.
“Oh God,” she whispers, scrambling to her feet as realization sinks in. I lean back against the sofa and wrap one ankle over the other as I watch her disappear in the direction of her bedroom, a satisfied smile on my face.
I never should’ve worried about Ryan. She might not understand why, but it’s me she wants. I just need to make her accept that.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Alanna
I hide behind my screen as Silas walks past my desk and disappears into his office. “What’s wrong with you?” Josh asks. “Did you do something?”
I glance at him and shake my head. “No, it’s nothing. I’m behind on something the boss asked me to do, so I’m hoping he’ll forget.”
Josh rolls his eyes and looks away. “Idiot. Silas never forgets anything. You won’t get away with that for long. You’d better go fess up and ask for more time.”
I nod as I get back to work, wishing it were as simple as that. I can’t believe he kissed me, and I let him. I don’t know how to face him, or what this means for us. I’m more confused than ever. I’ve barely healed from what Ryan put me through, and Silas is the last person I should be getting with, but I also can’t stay away.