I’m so spent I can’t gather the strength to unwind my arms from Mikhail’s neck, so I just tuck my face into the crook of his neck and let him carry me to the bed. The last things I remember before falling asleep are hushed words and a feather-light kiss in my hair.
I tug Bianca closer to me, marvelling at the feel of having her finally in my arms as I watch her face illuminated by the moonlight. I trace the contour of her eyebrow with a finger, then her small nose and pouty lips. She is so beautiful, it fucking hurts. It feels like sacrilege to have her bound to someone like me, or to have my bloodstained hands touching her—hands that have killed and maimed so many. She deserves better. A house with a picket fence and a carefree life with a normal man. An honest man who wouldn’t have to lie to her or hide the bad things he does when he goes to “work.” A man who would never come home covered in blood.
She deserves to be able to go to a restaurant without being stared at while people around her whisper to each other, discussing why the fuck she is with someone like me. I grew accustomed to the stares and hushed whispers years ago. They don’t bother me in the least. But I don’t like Bianca being the object of gossip. If I was a better man, I would have sent her away, annulled the marriage, and set her free. I guess I’m a bad man, because I don’t plan on letting her go.
How am I going to tell her I hid the fact that I know sign language? That instead of making her situation easier, I only made it harder? How can I explain my selfishness? Will she hate me for it?
I won’t lie to myself by thinking that Bianca is attracted to me, I’m not delusional. She was in a bad place tonight, vulnerable, probably lonely, and craving human contact. And I was the only one here. In the morning, she will likely regret what happened between us, so I’ll enjoy these stolen moments. It’ll have to be enough. I put my head on the pillow behind hers, bury my face into her hair, and hold her even tighter.
Chapter 9
The room I wake up in seems vaguely familiar. I sit up in the bed and look around. Mikhail’s room. Me, in Mikhail’s bed. I smile and fall back onto the pillows. God, just thinking about last night makes me want to run out of the room, find Mikhail, and drag him back to bed with me.
The clock on the nightstand shows 7 a.m. Where is he? Did he seriously leave me here and go to work out as he does every morning? You don’t do that after giving a woman the best sex of her life the night before. Where is the cuddling? Showering together? A second round?
I get out of the bed, go to the closet on the opposite wall, and steal another of Mikhail’s T-shirts. If I remember correctly, the housekeeper is coming to do the big cleaning today, and I don’t want to flash her if she’s early. When I exit the room, there is no one around. No housekeeper, and no trace of my husband. I proceed to the guest room to take a shower and wash my hair, then go to the kitchen to make coffee.
I scroll through my phone while drinking the dark elixir and see three messages, one from Milene and two from Angelo, all dated to last night.
21:12 Milene: What are you getting Nonna? Please tell me you are not buying her another hat.
Damn it. With all that’s happened, I completely forgot Nonna Giulia’s birthday party.
I open a new message window and start typing a message to Mikhail.
07:29 Bianca: I forgot that my grandmother is having her 96th birthday next Sunday. I have to go buy her a present.
I open Angelo’s messages next.
23:44 Angelo: DAD LET THEM MARRY YOU TO MIKHAIL ORLOV?!
23:45 Angelo: Don’t fuck with me Bianca! It’s not funny.
I stare at the messages. Looks like Angelo knows Mikhail, and is not a fan.
07:31 Bianca: I’m not fucking with you. How do you know my husband?
The door to the gym opens and Mikhail walks out. Why is he wearing a long-sleeved shirt again? No one in his right mind wears long-sleeved shirts in June, and I know for certain he has at least twenty T-shirts, minus the two I stole. He comes into the kitchen and goes to the fridge without even looking at me.
“Sisi will be coming around three with Lena, so if you need anything, just make her a list and she will buy it along the way.” He takes a bottle of water, closes the fridge, then heads toward his bedroom. “We can go buy the present for your grandmother on Friday if you want.” He looks at me over his shoulder.
Seriously? No good morning kiss or anything? Well, fuck him and his collected self. I’m done playing this hot and cold game. He wants to pretend nothing happened last night? No problem. I can do the same.
I nod and turn my attention back to my phone.