I didn’t say anything. Maybe I had already said too much.
Nino’s expression was analytical, not judgmental in any way. “Knowing your past interactions with men outside of our family, there are only very few options. It could be someone you met at your dance recital, which is unlikely given Fabiano’s presence and the limited time frame. Or it could be the only other male you spent time with. Amo Vitiello.”
I tried not to react to hearing his name. I was terrified of admitting to it.
“I think I fell in love,” I whispered.
Nino shook his head. “Greta—”
I touched my heart. “No,” I said firmly. “I can feel that it’s true. I fell in love, and it felt wondrous.”
“That’s why you’re crying?”
I froze and reached up, feeling wetness on my cheeks. “I’m crying because my heart’s already broken before it ever really got the chance to experience love.”
Nino regarded me quietly. “You said nothing happened between you and Amo.”
“It didn’t. We talked. But I felt a connection I’ve never felt before…”
Nino’s expression was impossible to read.
“You won’t tell anyone, right?”
If he told Dad or Nevio, everything would fall apart.
“I don’t see how telling anyone would serve any other purpose than bring down war on us. I don’t think now’s the right time to pursue a conflict with the Famiglia.”
“How can my feelings for someone be the reason for war?”
“I’m sure you can see how that would be the result.”
I lowered my gaze. If I allowed my feelings for Amo to take center stage, this might lead to a cancellation of his wedding and that would cause a major uproar in the Famiglia. It would weaken them. Dad and Nevio would assume the worst. They wouldn’t believe me if I said Amo hadn’t manipulated my feelings. I couldn’t see them accepting a bond with Amo. They would start a war. So many would die.
“Even thinking about him feels like betrayal.”
Nino released a long breath. “Your brother would definitely see it as betrayal if you left Las Vegas for Amo. And I don’t have to tell you that your father won’t ever allow it, for nothing in the world.”
I nodded, because I knew it.
“Can you imagine leaving Las Vegas to live with Amo in New York, as a Capo’s wife?”
I tried to see myself in New York, away from my family, as the woman everyone in the Famiglia would look up to. Anxiety tightened my belly. “No,” I croaked.
That night I went over to Nevio’s bedroom. He gave me a distracted smile as he put on his leather wristbands, combat boots and leather biker pants, getting ready for his night out with Massimo and Alessio.
He put two curved knives into his holster at his back, then two daggers into the holsters at his calves.
I watched him quietly as I sat cross-legged on his bed. In the beginning when I’d realized why the three of them went out at night, I’d asked him to stop but eventually I’d realized he needed this like I needed ballet, as a way to deal with his demons.
“Would you ever leave our family?”
Nevio stopped and gave me an incredulous look. “For nothing in this world.”
“Not even if you fell in love?”
Nevio came toward me, his eyes burning with intensity. “If I ever thought there was someone who’d make me consider leaving our family and the Camorra, I’d kill her before she turned me into a traitor of everything that matters.”
“Don’t say something like that. You don’t mean it.”
He got down on his knees before me and his expression terrified me. “I’m fucking serious, Greta. Our family is everything. Nothing deserves to take its prime spot.”
I sighed. “You always think in extremes.”
“Maybe, but some things are just black and white. No reason to sugarcoat it.”
Nevio’s expression turned playful. “You need to stop reading all this shit about emotions. Sometimes it’s better not to have and understand them.”
I rolled my eyes and got up. “Be careful tonight.”
I always said these parting words even if they were unnecessary. My heart felt heavy as I returned to my bedroom. Nevio’s words had only confirmed what Nino had said, what I’d known all along.
I turned on my phone when the airplane landed in Las Vegas. Several messages popped up on my screen. I ignored the ones from Cressida and Dad asking where I was.
I had several missed calls and two messages from Marcella.