I scanned the note.
I didn’t want to give this back to you last night.
I was glad she hadn’t. It would have tainted our reunion, just like Cressida’s existence tainted my life. I stuffed the ring into my bag before I searched the house for Greta then went outside, following the sounds. From the porch, I could see Greta driving a small forklift, and distributing hay bales between the stables and barns.
I leaned against the porch with a smile, stunned by what I saw. Greta was heiress to a fortune, hailed the princess of the west and here she was feeding cows and pigs and horses and picking up their droppings. She didn’t shy back from hard work. When she spotted me, she waved at me while she steered the forklift with one hand in my direction. “There’s coffee inside! I still need a bit before I can join you,” she shouted over the stuttering of the engine then she rode past me. I returned back inside and filled the waiting cup with coffee before I went outside once more. Drinking my coffee, I watched Greta in the distance as she greeted the animals one after the other, even a huge pig, and my lips pulled into a smile. This felt surreal in the best way possible. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt like smiling so often.
I never wanted a life in the countryside. I’d grown up in the big city. It was the place I felt most comfortable, and I still couldn’t imagine trading my life in New York for something like this indefinitely, but Greta’s presence made this place special. When I’d grown up, I’d always known what place to call home, my parents’ house had been my safe haven, the place I’d call home without hesitation, but since I’d moved out and especially since my wedding to Cressida nothing had truly felt like returning home. My apartment felt like an interim step, not like the final destination, and the townhouse I’d bought for Cressida and me had always felt like a stranger’s home and not one you felt welcome in.
I took another sip and Greta waved at me again in the distance, shouting something I didn’t catch, but I waved back. Then I slowly lowered my hand. This right here, this sense of calm and belonging, it was something I wanted. But a year ago turning this dream into reality had already been up against high hurdles. Now? With me being married to Cressida, it was almost out of reach.
Divorce was a no-go, an unforgivable sin, in our world. It was the only way I could ever have Greta in more than the tiny slices of time I could carve out between the Famiglia, my family and Cressida.
Divorce was something that would end my aspirations as Capo.
My belly warmed at the sight of Amo on my porch, having coffee in only his pajama bottoms.
Despite how risky our meetings were, I couldn’t imagine not seeing Amo again. I felt guilty in many ways, toward my family, toward Cressida, even toward Amo’s family. We lied to all of them in some way. But whenever I thought of ending things between Amo and me, my chest constricted with acute anxiety. One year ago, my choice had been clear, an impossible choice but one that was inevitable. Now the reasons for a certain choice in the past became less and less convincing.
I headed over to Amo once I’d fed all the animals, which took long without Jill’s help. She hadn’t asked why I’d wanted her to spend a couple of days with her sister in Reno. She knew better than to ask too many questions.
With a bright smile, I took the hand that Amo held out to me when I ascended the wooden steps. We walked inside and had breakfast, though seeing Amo in his state of undress my body had a very different hunger.
“How about you give me a detailed tour of the farm? We can hardly do a trip somewhere else.”
I knew many places I would have liked to show Amo but he was right. This wasn’t an option. And it touched me that he wanted to get to know more about my sanctuary.
“Just let me get dressed quickly.”
I bit my lip. “You don’t have to put on clothes for me…”
Amo chuckled, leaning over and cupping my neck to pull me in for a kiss.
His phone beeped, forcing us apart, and he glanced down, his mouth tightening.
“Anything wrong?”
He shook his head, with a forced smile, and quickly shoved the cellphone into his pajama pocket.
“Your wife?”
He rose to his feet, his smile still not the one he usually had around me. I’d seen it on his face when he’d interacted with others, though. “Let’s enjoy the day.”
I didn’t push him, because I didn’t really want to talk about her either. Even though she knew Amo wasn’t faithful, I felt bad for what we did. I touched his lips with my fingertips when his forced smile remained. “I prefer your real smile. You don’t have to pretend for me, okay?”