God, she’d fucked up. Stepped in it. Crossed a line. Gone too far. All she’d wanted was to keep Olivia, but in trying, she’d pushed her away. How fucked up was that? Jealousy was never an attractive trait in a partner, and they weren’t even that. They were friends—and Margot would be lucky if Olivia even wanted to remain that after her atrocious behavior. She steeled herself for rejection.
Olivia dropped her hands, letting them hang limply at her sides. “Luke is a really nice guy.”
Shit. Here it was. Tension knotted in the pit of her stomach, her insides churning. She didn’t need to hear the rest. “You don’t need to—”
“Oh my God, Margot, please, for the love of all that’s holy, be quiet.” Olivia huffed, and her hair, gathered in a high ponytail, skimmed her shoulders as she shook her head.
Margot bit her tongue, all the words she wanted to say clogging her throat.
“Luke is a nice guy,” Olivia repeated, twisting the knife a little deeper. Her shoulders rose, and her spine straightened as if she was fortifying herself to deliver the final blow. Her gaze locked on Margot, and the look in her eyes—steely and determined, a flicker of something Margot couldn’t name flashing through them—snatched the air straight out of Margot’s lungs. “But I don’t want Luke.” Her throat jerked and a small smile tugged at her lips. “I want you.”
Margot’s heart rose into her throat like a helium-filled balloon.
Olivia wanted her.
Her heart stuttered.
Olivia wanted her how?
She clutched her pillow like a lifeline.
“I don’t think I can do casual, Liv,” Margot confessed, laying her cards and heart completely on the table. “I’m, uh, apparently not capable of keeping things casual. Not when it comes to you.” She laughed and scrubbed a hand over her face. “I’m really terrible at it. Almost as bad at it as I am at skiing.”
Olivia laughed, and the sound loosened the knots inside Margot.
“I don’t know how to be anything but all in when it comes to you, Liv,” she confessed.
Olivia took a slow, hesitant-looking step toward the bed, and then another, this one a little surer, faster. Every step caused Margot’s nerves to ratchet. Olivia sat on the edge of the bed and wiped her palms against her thighs. “All in, huh?”
“All in,” Margot confirmed, voice shaking. She tossed the pillow aside and shifted, facing Olivia as best she could with her foot propped up, elevated above her heart. Doctor’s orders. “Any time you want to, I don’t know, say something reassuring, feel free.”
She reached out and grabbed Margot’s hand, lacing their fingers together. That gesture, in and of itself, gave Margot hope. People didn’t often hold hands with someone they were planning on letting down gently. “I kissed you, remember?”
“How could I forget?” Margot teased.
“I don’t . . .” Olivia blushed. “I’ve only ever been with you and—and Brad. I’ve never done casual.” She smiled. “I guess, suffice it to say, it was never casual for me, either.” Olivia squeezed her fingers and laughed. “We could’ve avoided this by talking about it. I’m going to blame your dirty mouth for distracting me.”
Margot’s ears burned, and a laugh bubbled up past her lips. “My bad?”
“If it wasn’t what you wanted, how come you acted like it was?”
“I didn’t know what you wanted, and I worried that if I told you what I wanted and we weren’t on the same page, you’d . . . I don’t know . . . feel weird about it and it would mess up Brendon’s wedding. Or you’d feel uncomfortable and want to move out of the apartment. And I didn’t want that. I don’t want that. So I thought I’d play it safe. I thought I could keep feelings out of it.” Her lips twisted in a wry smile. “Considering . . . you know, I really should’ve known better.”
Hand still gripping Margot’s, Olivia frowned. “Considering what?”
Margot dropped her eyes to her lap and huffed out a laugh. “I don’t really want to rehash the past, Liv.”
“Not to be pedantic here, but I think we’d have to have hashed it before we could rehash it.”
Margot shut her eyes, cringing inside. “We slept together. Brad wanted you back. You got back together. End of story.”
Olivia dropped Margot’s hand, her face cycling through a flurry of expressions before she shook her head, jaw hanging open. “I’m sorry. What?”