“My question,” Perry said, “is whether we can ever escape our selfishness. Even if you bring in God, and make Him the measure of goodness, the person who worships and obeys Him still wants something for himself. He enjoys the feeling of being righteous, or he wants eternal life, or what have you. If you’re smart enough to think about it, there’s always some selfish angle.”
The rabbi smiled. “There may be no way around it, when you put it like that. But we ‘bring in God,’ as you say—for the believer, of course, it’s God who brought us in—to establish a moral order in which your question becomes irrelevant. When obedience is the defining principle, we don’t need to police every little private thought we might have.”
“I think there’s more to Perry’s question, though,” Reverend Walsh said. “I think he’s pointing to sinfulness, which is our fundamental condition. In Christian faith, only one man has ever exemplified perfect goodness, and he was the Son of God. The rest of us can only hope for glimmers of what it’s like to be truly good. When we perform an act of charity, or forgive an enemy, we feel the goodness of Christ in our hearts. We all have an innate capacity to recognize true goodness, but we’re also full of sin, and those two parts of us are constantly at war.”
“Exactly,” Perry said. “How do I know if I’m really being good or if I’m just pursuing a sinful advantage?”
“The answer, I would say, is by listening to your heart. Only your heart can tell you what your true motive is—whether it partakes of Christ. I think my position is similar to Rabbi Meyer’s. The reason we need faith—in our case, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ—is that it gives us a rock-solid basis for evaluating our actions. Only through faith in the perfection of our Savior, only by comparing our actions to his example, only by experiencing his living presence in our hearts, can we hope to be forgiven for the more selfish thoughts we might have. Only faith in Christ redeems us. Without him, we’re lost in a sea of second-guessing our motives.”
Perry was enjoying his ability to converse on the level of men three times his age, enjoying how well he’d calibrated his alcohol intake, enjoying the easy but unslurred flow of his words. But now Mrs. Haefle, as if she’d smelled a pleasure in need of immediate stamping out, was approaching them. He repositioned himself, squaring his back to her.
“I understand what you’re saying,” he said to Reverend Walsh. “But what if a person isn’t able to have faith?”
“Not everyone finds faith overnight. Faith is rarely easy. But if you’ve ever done a good thing, and felt a glow in your heart, then that’s a little message from God. He’s telling you that Christ is in you, and that you have the freedom and capacity to pursue a closer relationship with him. ‘Seek, and ye shall find.’”
“It’s approximately the same if you’re a Jew,” the rabbi said, “although we tend to emphasize that you’re a Jew whether you like it or not. It’s more a matter of God tracking you down than of you finding God.”
“I don’t think our positions are so dissimilar in that respect,” Reverend Walsh said stiffly.
Perry tried to ignore the hovering of Mrs. Haefle at his shoulder.
“But so,” he said, “what if I feel the kind of glow you’re talking about, but it doesn’t lead me to God? What if it’s just one of the feelings that any sentient animal might have? If I never find God, or He never finds me, it sounds like you’re saying that, basically, I’m damned.”
“In principle, I suppose that is the doctrine,” Reverend Walsh said. “But you’re very young, and life is long. There’s a near infinity of moments when you might receive God’s grace. All it takes is one moment.”
“In the meantime,” the rabbi said, “I think it’s enough to be a mensch.”
“Perry?” Mrs. Haefle said, pushing her way in. “I want you to come meet Reverend Walsh’s son Ricky. He’s a junior at Lyons Township.”
Her voice was syrupy. Perry’s irritation was more intense than any feeling of goodness he’d yet experienced. “Excuse me?”
“The young people are in the sunroom.”
“I’m aware of that. We’re in the middle of a conversation here. Is that so hard to grasp?”
Evidently, though it hadn’t slurred his speech, gl?gg was very disinhibiting.
“I think we’ve touched on the main points,” Reverend Walsh said. “Is anyone else ready for cookies?”