Come on Baby,
Light My Candle
Just like that, there’s a weird feeling deep inside me. A spark of heat, of light, of energy that is both familiar and completely foreign at the same time.
“Go ahead,” Hudson tells me, his voice little more than a whisper. “Reach for it.”
So I do, hand outstretched and everything about me open wide. And then it’s there, right there inside me. Arrowing into me. Lighting me up from the inside. Making every nerve ending in my body come alive like I’ve never felt before.
“Do you feel it now?” Macy asks, voice raised excitedly.
“I do,” I tell her, because this has to be it. This brilliant feeling that’s warm and bright and airy and light has magic written all over it.
“Good,” Macy continues. “Now hold it for a minute, get used to it. Feel it moving through your body.”
I do as she says, letting the warmth and the light burn through me.
“What do I do now?” I ask, because while it feels amazing to have this feeling inside me, it also feels unsustainable—like it’ll burn right through me and then disappear if I don’t know what to do with it.
“Focus your mind,” Macy says, “on lighting the candle. Imagine it. And then just do it.”
I stare at the candle as hard as I’ve ever stared at anything in my life. I imagine it lit, a flame burning along its wick. And then I try to light it.
Nothing happens.
“Don’t worry about it,” Macy says. “You’re so close, I can feel it. Just try again.”
So I do, again and again, and still nothing happens.
I can feel the light flickering inside me, feel it starting to dissipate, and I’m so afraid that it’ll go away that my hands start to tremble and my chest starts to ache.
Macy must see my distress, because she says, “It’s okay. We can try again later.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Hudson tells me, moving to stand right behind me now, both our gazes focused on the candle, so close that I can feel his breath against my ear. “You can do this.”
“I can’t do this. It’s leaving. I can feel it—”
“So draw it back,” he orders. “Don’t send it out like Macy told you to. Pull it back, concentrate it into one ball of energy, of power, and then let it go.”
“But Macy said—”
“Fuck what Macy said. Everyone wields their power differently. I can feel it in you. It’s right there, ready to be used. So use it.”
“I can’t—”
“You can.”
“It’s okay,” Jaxon tells me. “We’ll practice a little bit each day until you get it.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Hudson orders. “You’ve got this.”
“I don’t have it. I don’t.”
Hudson leans forward, braces his arm under mine, and grabs onto my hand. “Focus,” he tells me. “Send every ounce of the magic you feel inside you right here, to where I’m holding you.” He squeezes my hand for emphasis. “Pull it back from wherever else you sent it and put it all right there.”
I take a deep breath and let it out shakily. Breathe in a second time and let it out. The third time I breathe in, I hold it for long seconds as I try to do what he asks. The light has made a trail through me, so I grab on to one end of it and start to pull, rolling it back, back, back until it’s right there in my chest, my shoulder, my arm. Until finally, I can feel it in the palm of my hand.
“Feel it?” Hudson asks.
I nod, because I do. It’s so strong, it’s like it’s going to burn a hole right through me.
“You’ve got it now,” he tells me.
“I do. I’ve got it,” I whisper.
“I know. Now, open your fist.” He lets go of my hand slowly, gently unweaving our fingers even as he keeps his arm directly under mine.
“Aim,” he says, his voice and his body a solid presence behind me. Holding my feet to the flame and my palm to the power. Not letting me back up so much as an inch.
And then he’s right there—chin near my shoulder, mouth pressed to my ear—as he whispers, “Now let it go.”
So I do. And then let out a little scream as every single candle on Jaxon’s bookcase bursts into flame at exactly the same moment. Oh my God. I did it. I really did it!
“Holy shit, New Girl!” Flint yelps. “What the hell was that?”
“I don’t know.” I turn to look at Hudson, and for a second, just a second, he’s right there, his face barely an inch from mine. Our eyes lock and power—pure, unadulterated power—sizzles between us. At least until he steps back, putting several feet of distance between us in an instant.