I sighed. “I don’t know, Peg,” I said. “This is all a little overwhelming right now.”
“Fair enough,” she replied. “Grow igandels in thought—it is a good time. While you do, let me ask you something. Do you know why I was willing to come in here when no one else was? I knew the truth of what the Superiority was doing here. Not letting people out. Forced labor in another dimension. I came anyway. You curious to know why?”
“Yes, actually.”
“Out there, I was a killer,” Peg said, her voice softer. “In here was a new life. A fresh life. I didn’t know I was pregnant with my boys; that might have changed my mind. All I wanted was an escape from my old life, and coming in here offered it.
“Things out there are messy, Spin. Everybody arguing, fighting. Killing. But a lot of the things they argue over, well, they don’t matter in here. We don’t need food, and there’s plenty of space. Politics…ideology…those are things we can make up for ourselves in here. We can make this place whatever we want it to be.”
She turned, waving toward the complex. “I’ve known for years now that if I could just get this base—grab it by the throat and start building it up as a home, not a prison—we could make it wonderful. We could make a society. I want you to help me do that.”
“But Chet wants me to go exploring with him,” I said.
“I know, and I think that’s an excellent idea!” Peg said. “I’d want to put you on that kind of assignment frequently, between training seasons. Do you know what is out there? Past the empty stretches?”
“No.”
“I don’t either,” Peg said. “It’s hard to fly that far; when you hit the enormous gap between fragments it starts eating up your ashes, and you risk losing yourself. But I’ll tell you this—there are three other Superiority mining bases in the nowhere. I was given that information when I was applying for this job.”
“Only four total?” I said. “For the entire Superiority?”
“Exactly,” Peg said. “And this is the largest—which is why I’m certain they’ll meet my demands. But I’m also worried. If they use those other three bases—and somehow load them with enough reality ashes to cross the empty stretches—I could still get invaded. Plus Vlep is still out there, a real danger.
“I need fighters. More importantly, I need trainers of fighters. Then I need someone crazy enough to go explore, to discover how to cross the vast gaps.” She looked back at me. “You are the right person, Spin. The somewhere is a mess. But the nowhere can be something better. I want you to help me make it so.”
I…
Scud, I didn’t need this too. Not after what Chet had said. I knew they hadn’t coordinated it; Peg was just acting at a convenient moment. I felt double-teamed regardless. Triple-teamed, actually. Chet. Peg.
And my own heart.
“I reserved one of the officer suites for you,” Peg said. “You don’t have to make any decisions. But for now, why not go grab a shower and relax a little? Think over your options. You can at least stay there until we locate Surehold’s reality icon, and I can give you those ashes I promised.”
I considered. And scud, she was right. I needed some time. Plus, a shower sounded so nice. I called M-Bot and Hesho to let them know, then went to the room Peg indicated. It was an enormous suite—of the ridiculous type.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to the shower. I made the mistake of lying down on the bed first. And after the fighting, the chaos, the tension of my decision…I just found myself unable to stay awake.
And so I drifted off.
As I slept, someone tried to talk to me.
I wanted to talk to him.
Something stopped me.
It was another cloud, like before. Like the prison that Brade had put around me. Though…it felt different. Like a march set to different words. Same sounds. New song.
I fought through it, but no matter which way I turned, I got lost. I tried telling myself that none of this was real, that there were no places here. Nowhere to go. I merely had to…make myself be somewhere else…
It was hard to think through this fog.
“Spensa?” Jorgen’s voice. “Spensa, I can feel you.”
I…I can’t feel you…
“You seem distant. Why? What is wrong?”
I’m lost.
“I can barely hear you. What was that?”
Lost…
“Spensa, things are tough right now. I… Everyone is looking to me for answers. I could use someone to talk to.”