“General Jianyun suggested that I join the army, after my role here comes to an end.”
“End?” He sounded confused. “Who told you it was ending?”
I placed my chopsticks down on the table and fixed him with a somber stare. “Liwei, how long will things go on this way? Once you take on your responsibilities, you will have less time for lessons. You won’t need a companion.”
For once, he appeared at a loss. “But . . . you’re my friend.”
How those words tore at my conscience, yet I could not think of myself alone. “I am your friend. Here, or wherever I go.”
“Do you want to leave me? To join the army?” There was a note of incredulity in his voice and, buried beneath, hurt.
“There are things I want which you know nothing of. I do have my own dreams.” My voice was hoarse with emotion. The years I had spent here, training and studying, were happy ones. And yet, these were just the rungs of the ladder that scaled my ambition.
Perhaps Liwei sensed me drawing away, the hardening of my resolve. He leaned toward me, as he asked, “What are your dreams? Let me help, however I can.”
The words hovered at the tip of my tongue. To confide in him. To tell him the truth. He was a Celestial Prince, powerful and favored. But I stifled the urge. I was unsure of how things might change between us if he knew who I was. That I had lied to him. That I was the daughter of the disgraced goddess who had defied his father’s wishes, and of the mortal who had slain his mother’s beloved sunbirds.
“No, you can’t help me,” I said softly. “But I thank you for wanting to.”
His hand covered mine, an unexpected tingle shooting through my arm. “My offer stands. Anytime, whatever you need. Think about it and don’t make any hasty decisions.”
I had believed my mind made up. Yet pinned by the intensity in his gaze, I could only nod in reply. Tomorrow, I told myself, cowardly. I will decide tomorrow.
10
I bolted upright, my scream piercing the night. My eyes darted around the dark chamber as I gripped the bedcovers, crumpling them between my fingers. I was not home. I was not too late. My mother and Ping’er were not dead.
Such nightmares had plagued me before, yet never in the Courtyard of Eternal Tranquility—until now. Perhaps my encounter with the Celestial Empress or the uncertainty of my future had caused a relapse into the fears of my past.
Footsteps pounded across the courtyard. My doors were flung open, the cool night air rushing in as Liwei stood in the entrance. He crossed the room and sat down on my bed, lacing his fingers through mine, his grip warm and strong.
“You were screaming. Are you all right?”
“A dream.” My breaths were shaky and uneven. My terror had been all too real. The image of my mother’s lifeless form flashed across my mind—my fear melding with a wrenching longing for home. Tears, unbidden, pricked my eyes.
His other hand cradled my face, his thumb brushing my cheek. He had only seen me cry once before, when we first met by the river. Without hesitation, he pulled me into his arms and held me tight. I clutched him in return, his embrace awakening a need in me—unfamiliar and fierce. My guard lowered, I let myself be comforted by his strength, my body sinking against his as the dam on my emotions sprang free.
My tears drenched his clothes, the white silk damp now as I lifted my head away. Only then did I realize he wore just his inner robe; he must have come right from bed in his haste. My pulse raced, although I had seen him dressed so a thousand times before. With a corner of my sleeve, I dabbed the thin material to dry it. His heartbeat quickened against my palm as his arms tightened around me, kindling a heat which surged through my veins.
Our months of companionship melted away; it was like we were seeing each other for the first time. No longer was he the youth I had befriended, the young man who teased me. His touch inflamed my senses, his gaze stole my breath. I reached out to smooth his long hair from his face, tousled from slumber and gleaming darkly against the whiteness of his robe.
My lips parted. His eyes shifted to them, as deep as midnight pools. He bent and pressed his mouth to mine firmly, yet with an aching tenderness. I inhaled deeply, his warm clean scent laced with the fragrance of the flowers from the courtyard. One of his hands clasped the back of my head, while the other encircled my waist. My arms were wound tight around his neck, I did not know how they came to be there. We held each other so closely, his breath slipped into my mouth, hot and sweet as it mingled with my own. His lips pressed down harder, parting mine—our tongues seeking and entangling. A melting heat spread from my core all the way down to my toes. My limbs were weak as though turned to liquid, as we fell, entwined, onto my bed.