The silence turns murderous. It feels like having a serial killer breathing down your neck, their intent to kill you as potent as the salt is in the air.
I don’t think I’d mind him trying.
But after a moment, his gait resumes, and he walks away without a word.
“You probably just shouldn’t have said anything,” a soft voice says from behind me. This time, I do turn, finding Sawyer walking toward me, her demeanor unsure.
“Are you expecting me to let him belittle and lay hands on me just to avoid discomfort?”
She tightens her lips and nods. “Good point. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head and face the water again. How is it that my hatred for how she makes me feel is somehow shifting, and now I’m hating the way I make her feel?
“I don’t want your apologies. It’s men that made you feel and think that way. They should be apologizing to you.”
“Are you going to apologize? You're one of those men.”
“If I ever feel sorry about it,” I murmur. She’s right, I should be apologizing. But I also don’t lie, and while there is guilt needling its way into my system, I’m not ready to give in to it yet, either.
“It was wrong. Fucked up.”
“It was,” I agree. “But you're not upset because I fucked you. You're upset because I scared you.”
She's quiet for a beat. “You're right. I've been scared my entire life, and I've been touched my entire life. It'll never hurt when you touch me, but it hurt that you were no longer safe.”
Fury explodes in my chest, and I'm whipping toward her, putting my face in hers.
“So, I made you feel what you made me feel? I won't deny that I'm the villain in your story, baby, but please don't insult me by acting like you didn't hurt me first.”
She bites her bottom lip to hide the tremble. I tsk, raising my hand to her face and using my thumb to pull her lip out from between her teeth. She still smells of the ocean, and she's so fucking beautiful—that's what hurts.
“Don't hide your tears, bella. You're so pretty when you cry.”
“I'm so—”
“I said I wouldn't apologize until I meant it. I suggest you do the same,” I tell her, turning away. I thought I'd be able to breathe easier when I did, but she's still taking up too much space in my chest.
I haven’t been able to get last night off my mind, replaying it over and over in my head. I said I’d never fuck her again, but in my weakest moment, I gave in. The nightmare of my mother abandoning me on those damn steps, laughing as she drove away from me, was fresh in my mind.
I needed to escape it, and seeing the evidence of Sawyer’s unbending need for me was too good to resist. Because right before me was someone who couldn’t let me go even when she wanted nothing more than that, and all I wanted to do was make sure she couldn’t let me go.
Despite how cruel I can be, she comes undone for me so fucking easily. As if she was made just for me.
Suor Caterina used to tell me that we were all God’s creations, but I never bought into that shit. But if it were true, then fuck Him for making her the bane of my goddamn existence.
And fuck Him for making her the one thing I want most.
Was that the nightmare you were hoping for?
No, it was worse.
And it was. It’s like I’ve scribbled all my resistance into a charcoal ball deep into the paper, and she took a fucking eraser to it until there was nothing left but the faded remnants of when I hated her.
“I am sorry. And maybe you are, too. Isn't that why you told Sylvester not to touch me again?” she insists. “Because you don't want any more men hurting me?”
I shrug. “If he does, I’ll just do what I said I’d do.”
The thought of carving my name into her soft skin has my cock thickening. She makes it so hard to feel sorry when hurting her is so fucking intoxicating.
She comes to stand before me, her shorter stature forcing me to look down. Her face is twisted into a snarl, and she’s glaring at me. How cute.
“That defeats the purpose of not hurting me.”
“I never said I didn't want to hurt you.”
“You’re not carving your name into my skin, you freak.”
I cock a brow. “Watch me, bella ladra.”
She snarls. “You like to fuck me when you hurt me, Enzo. And you said you wouldn’t unless I begged, which I will never do.”
“You are as unreliable as I am when it comes to fucking each other, and last night was a clear indication of that. This may come as a surprise to you, baby, but I don’t believe a goddamn word you say anyway.”