He smiled over at me as he steered me toward Central Park. “One of my favorite places.”
It was like he could read my mind.
For a while we just walked in silence. Eventually his arm fell from my shoulders and he grabbed my hand. I was happy to be walking around Central Park with him and not hiding our relationship to the world. But just thinking about it made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to go back to school and pretend we weren’t together. Not today when it still felt like my world was falling apart. I gripped his hand a little tighter.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
I laughed when I looked up at him. The smile on his face was contagious. Any negative thoughts I had were easy to dismiss when I was staring at him.
He reached out and covered my eyes with his hand. “Now keep them closed.” His lips lightly brushed against mine. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, what?”
His hand fell from my face.
I reached out for him, but my fingers came up empty. “Matt?”
There was no response. I squeezed my eyes closed, despite the fact that I really wanted to open them. I trusted him. He’d be back. But as the seconds turned into minutes, doubt started to creep in. I remembered that day with him in the auditorium. I’d thought it was some terrible prank. He’d scared me half to death. Today felt exactly the same. My heart was racing and I could feel panic setting in. He’d left me alone in the middle of a path in Central Park. Wasn’t that dangerous?
I started counting in my head. Trying to focus on something besides the random footsteps I kept hearing. Where are you, Matt?
I screamed when he swooped me into his arms. My eyes flew open.
“You’re terrible at keeping your eyes closed,” he said.
“You left me.”
“I didn’t leave you. I just needed to grab something real quick. Now close your eyes.”
I followed his directions as he started to carry me somewhere. The farther we walked the better it smelled. I’d barely touched my food last night and I’d been in too much of a hurry to eat breakfast. I prayed my stomach wouldn’t make that same embarrassing rumble that it had last night.
Matt stopped walking and set me down on my feet. He put his hand over my eyes and turned me just so. “Here it is,” he said. “The best view in the city.” He pulled his hand away from my face.
I opened my eyes and smiled. We were standing on a little bridge with water stretched out in front of us.
“I used to come here with my family and feed the ducks when I was little. Sometimes we’d stay in the park so late that we’d eat at that restaurant over there.” He pointed across the water at a cute little place. “My favorite part of those days was walking through Central Park after the sun set. Because at night that restaurant turns on tons of fairy lights on their outdoor patio. It lights up the water and looks like the stars. Seeing it makes the city feel more like home.”
Matt’s house was anything but homey. But he lived in the suburbs right outside the city. So I understood what he meant. No matter where you were, if you could see the stars, there was some sense of familiarity. I’d felt it on the fire escape at my uncle’s apartment. Back then I wished I could go home back to Delaware when I stared at the stars. And now? I didn’t even really know where home was anymore. Just thinking about the word made me want to cry. My uncle’s home had become my home. And now he was gone too.
“I know you lost your family,” Matt said. “But it doesn’t mean you don’t have one.”
I could feel my eyes watering.
“Brooklyn Sanders,” he said and dropped to one knee.
My heart started racing. “Matt, what are you doing?”
A smile stretched across his perfect face. “Will you…” He reached behind his back.
Was he seriously about to propose to me? Had he lost his mind? We were sixteen. We couldn’t be engaged!
“…be my girlfriend?” he asked.
“What is wrong with you?” I said with a laugh. “You scared me half to death.” I put my hands on his shoulders when he didn’t get up off one knee.
“That isn’t an answer.” He stared up at me. “I know we’ve been together for a while now, but I realized we never actually made it official. Will you? Be my girlfriend?”
He was the sweetest person I had ever met. “Yes.” I was smiling so hard it hurt. But as I stared down at him, I knew I needed more from him. Because I was barely holding on as it was. And he’d hurt me before. I didn’t want him to do it again. “As long as you promise not to break my heart. Because it already feels broken and I can’t…” I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to cry. He was being wonderful and I refused to ruin this moment. “I can’t handle you breaking it too.”