“Because you want fucking feelings. Why would you? From me? You know how broken I am. I’m empty, too. Like you said, I don’t like people to get close, because they leave. They fucking leave, Gwyneth. That’s why I don’t do feelings. So you’re not supposed to want them from me.”
“Don’t you understand? It’s because it’s you that I want them, idiot. We’re the same, you and I. That’s why we care about each other’s opinions. That’s why we sleep in each other’s company despite the insomnia. It’s because that emptiness isn’t allowed to make noise anymore, and it’s peaceful and right. Have you been sleeping lately? I haven’t. The emptiness has been so loud and harsh and I’ve missed you, but I’ve hated myself for it because you don’t miss me, too.”
“I do.” His voice is low, barely audible.
“What did you just say—”
Any other words disappear when he grabs me by the face, his strong hands cupping my cheeks as he slams his lips to mine.
A kiss.
He’s kissing me.
I’m so stunned that I can’t think straight. I can’t think about anything except that his lips are on mine. They’re firm and demanding and I open with a moan because he’s feasting on me, his tongue claiming mine while one hand is at my throat and the other is fisting in my hair, pulling it back so he can deepen the kiss. So he can reach places in my soul that I didn’t think existed before.
This is what it feels like to be kissed by Nate. He’s the one who erupts the volcano but doesn’t allow it to turn to ashes.
He’s the one who revives my vanilla heart and lets it breathe properly.
Freely.
With no restraints.
He bites down on my lower lip, and I whimper as he plunges his tongue inside again and pulls my body so it’s flattened against his front.
And I think I can die at this moment.
With him kissing me, claiming me, touching me in the way I always wished he would.
Like he cares.
Like he doesn’t want this to end either.
There are groans and moans and I don’t know whose they are, but I don’t care, because I’m too far gone to come back to the world of the living.
My hands are all over him, too, bunching in his shirt and hair. I kiss him as hard as he kisses me, not like the pure, innocent girl I was two years ago.
That girl with the measly crush is gone. She’s a woman now who’s not afraid to go after what she wants.
And now, I want this man with everything I have.
I show him that, kissing him back with the same fire he uses to claim me.
And then Nate’s suddenly pushed off me and I shriek as Dad punches him, sending him flying into the pool.
32
Nathaniel
The splash of water is loud, but it isn’t louder than Gwyneth’s shriek.
It’s the first time I’ve heard that sound from her. The terror in it tears through my chest and clashes against my bones.
Fuck.
I don’t want her scared, terrified, or any of the negative emotions she’s written on her list.
But now this has happened, and in hindsight, I shouldn’t have touched her when King was around. Even if he was napping, because he’s a fucking hyena and if he’s suspecting something, he won’t sleep. He’ll be roaming and digging around like a fucking lunatic until he gets what he wants.
But I couldn’t stop it. And it’s not for lack of trying.
I gave her the space she demanded, even though I hated it, because it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t going to drag her into my mess or give her hope that doesn’t exist.
However, every day I spent without her was absolute fucking hell. Concentration? Zero. Sleep? Nonexistent.
And it’s not about her body or how perfect she feels in my arms. It’s the little fucking things, like how she sleeps with her face tucked in my neck or how we cooked together while she danced to her music.
It’s her light.
It’s her energy and cheerfulness. It’s the fucking meaning she gave to my life when I thought I didn’t need such a thing.
And I couldn’t stop thinking about that. About her presence, about that meaning I didn’t ask for but was there anyway, which opened wounds I thought were long healed.
So I had to kiss her.
I had to claim her for all the times I’ve wanted to kiss her since she stole that kiss on her eighteenth birthday.
That was the exact moment she stopped being my friend’s daughter and became her.
Gwyneth.
Just Gwyneth.
And now, said friend will kill me for it. Because he jumped after me in the water and the moment I resurface, he grabs me by the lapel of my jacket and punches me in the face.