My hand finds her throat again, and I revel in the gulp and slight moan she releases. “You’re a fucking nuisance, did you know that? You’re not supposed to go digging in the darkest parts of me.”
“They’re still you and that’s all I care about.”
Well, fuck.
Just when I thought this woman couldn’t engrave herself under my skin any deeper, she goes ahead and digs herself a cozier nook where I’ll never be able to remove her.
And I want to shake her for it.
“You shouldn’t like those parts of me, not when I hate them myself.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I like about you.”
“Are you sure about that, Anastasia? Because there’s a shitload of fucking skeletons in my closet that you didn’t even know existed. I’ve been in bed with my demons for as long as I lived, ever since I was a clueless fucking child who still didn’t know what the world is all about. Ever since I had strange men touch me inappropriately and was too weak to stop them and save myself or my sister.”
“But you did.” Her voice is low, but it’s determined, as if she’s making sure to drive a point home. “You ran away. You saved both yourself and your sister. When no one stepped up to be your hero, you became one yourself. So no, Knox, you won’t scare me away. Those skeletons? I want to see them. And those demons? I will eventually chase them away.”
My jaw aches from how much I’m clenching it. I want to tell her no, that she’s not allowed near my fucking demons or else they will swallow her whole, but judging by the assertiveness written all over her delicate features, there’s no way in fuck I would change her mind.
And it boggles the shit out of me. The fact that she wants me, that she won’t shy away from any part of me.
Hell, she even wants to see me. All of me.
Not only the beautiful fa?ade or the charming character, but also every fucked up side I’ve swept under the rug for decades.
Bloody decades.
And yet, she manages to drag everything out in no time.
“Besides,” she continues. “Those who pick and choose what parts of you to keep and what to throw away should rot in the darkest pit of hell. Because those parts? Those are what made you the man you are. Those are what brought you to Jersey the day I decided to go against my upbringing and do one thing for me, not for my family or what’s expected of me. You are that thing, Knox. That night might’ve been about sex, but it was so much more afterward. You showed me things I didn’t know existed and opened my eyes to the world. You gave me the safety I didn’t realize I was searching for.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“I told you. It was to protect you.”
I squeeze my fingers on the side of her neck, my voice tight. “Can’t you fucking understand that what you’ve done is no different than stabbing me and letting me bleed to death? I got so used to your lively presence and nerdy talk, and now that you’re gone, my flat feels like a tomb. I used to fall asleep listening to you narrate those long fantasy books in an awed tone, but now I can’t sleep anymore. So I smell your orange shampoo like a damn junkie to get a whiff of you and still fail to fill the gap you fucking left behind. So if protecting me means I’ll live without you, I don’t fucking want it.”
A lone tear slides down her cheek. “Knox…”
I cut her off with my lips on hers and I kiss her with a ferocity that hardens my dick and tightens my balls. I kiss her while holding her neck, and she continues to clutch my cheeks.
I kiss her until she’s struggling for air and her tongue is so entangled with mine, I don’t know where she starts and I end. But she kisses me back with the same heat, my Anastasia, as if she’s waited as much as I have for a taste, for a fragment of what we have.
Still kissing her, I reach between us and lift her dress to her waist. She mindlessly clutches my belt and helps me unzip my trousers and free my hard cock.
It’s been in a constant state of arousal ever since she left, and no amount of hand jobs could substitute for her warmth.
I move her panties to the side, groaning at how soaking wet she is, then I drive inside her without breaking the kiss.
Her body instantly welcomes me, opening up and arching in invitation. It’s like she’s been waiting for me as long as I’ve waited for her. Her back lifts off the bed and she shudders, her mouth parting from mine as she moans.
“Fuck, baby.” I dig my fingers in her throat. “I missed you.”