There’s a giant desk on the corner with three monitors, but the rest of it is girly. The bedsheets have a butterfly motif and the creamy wallpaper has flowers on it.
She’s always been a conundrum of opposing things, but they still fit her character so well.
They still speak so much of her and who she is.
A soft woman with a secret wild side.
“So this is where you lived all this time.”
She gives me the stink eye. “That’s not what should be important right now.”
“Then what is?” I step to her and she visibly swallows. “I think it’s hot to see where you sleep every night in nothing but shorts. Maybe even naked?”
“S-stop it.” Her voice is breathy, but arousal coats it.
My hand reaches forward and I wrap it around her throat, squeezing the sides a little. She briefly closes her eyes, releasing a chopped exhale, and I tighten my hold. I need to feel her, to be able to breathe again, but the fact that she’s relieved as well? That when she opens her eyes, they’re filled with a wave of longing that’s as strong as mine? Those facts nearly make me go crazy.
And I have to grip her harder, to sink my fingers into her flesh and make sure she’s here.
She’s right here.
“Knox…I…”
“Shhh.” I place a finger to her mouth and push her back with my hold on her throat.
A yelp echoes in the air as she trips on the edge of the bed and falls on her back. I follow with her, my free hand gripping her hip.
She slams her hands on my chest. “D-don’t.”
“Don’t?”
“Don’t turn me onto my stomach. I want to look at you,” she whispers, her tone as vulnerable as the look on her face.
My fingers dig into her hips and I’m about to refuse that, I’m about to do as I’m used to, but something stops me.
The pleading in her eyes, the vulnerability in them.
Also, a part of me is fighting it, too. It’s the same part that couldn’t survive without her and has turned my life into a living hell since she’s been gone.
Her palms flatten on my chest and she softens her voice. “I know, Knox…I know about your past and why you find it hard to get close and I understand, I—”
“Stop talking.” The rage from earlier resurfaces again and this time, it’s for entirely different reasons.
The shadows swirl around my head in a thick fog with the need to hurt her.
To shut up the woman who shouldn’t have seen them in the first place.
But I clamp that need down, my fingers flexing so I don’t hurt her. “How the fuck do you know?”
“P-Papa…he can find out everything about anyone.”
“Fuck.” My fist clenches and I realize it’s on her throat. She’s wheezing, her face reddening from the lack of air, and I release her with a jerk and start to sit up, but she grabs my cheeks, pulling me back down.
I use my arms to keep from crushing her with my weight, but Anastasia doesn’t stop there, she doesn’t stop with her fingers stroking my face or when her tits are inches from my heaving chest.
Her eyes trap mine and her voice trembles a little when she speaks, “It’s okay, you don’t have to hide from me. You don’t have to look the other way or be ashamed of who you are.”
“Even though I was a whore?”
“You weren’t.” The certainty and power in her voice stabs me in the fucking part of my chest I thought died twenty years ago. “You were an abused child and it wasn’t your fault. It was theirs, your mother’s and whoever she brought over. Just like it was my stepfather’s fault that my mom was abused and beaten to death. It’s never the victim’s fault, no matter what anyone says.”
I wipe the tears that have escaped her lids with my thumb. “Don’t cry, not for this.”
She shakes her head, her hold tightening on my cheeks. “Don’t you get it? Ever since I learned about your past, I couldn’t sleep at night. I wanted to run away again, to find you and just hold you close. If I could, I would take it all for myself so you wouldn’t have to be shackled by it anymore. Your pain is mine, Knox. I feel it deep in my heart and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“I have.”
“No, you haven’t. You just pretend you have, and I know it’s a coping mechanism, but I just want you to know that it’s okay if you’re tired of holding the mask in place. It’s okay if you want to drop it and just be you. I won’t look the other way. I promise.”