For seconds, we look over the other, and I latch on to it with all my might, feeling him slip away the second his memory kicks in, and the light in his eyes dims. The pain leaches onto my chest as he steps away and pulls a rag from his pocket to start wiping his hands.
“Heard you were in town, Pup.”
“And you still didn’t come to see me.”
“Wasn’t sure if I wanted to, or if I should.”
And there it is, the grudge, some for me, some for what happened. But for those seconds, just moments ago, he remembered me, remembered then, remembered us, before everything went to hell. I should be grateful he acknowledged it, but all I feel is…loss.
“Yeah, well, the wolf sought me out first so you couldn’t protect me this time.”
“I never was good at it anyway,” he says softly.
“You were too busy making me tough.”
I don’t miss the flare of pride in his eyes. “I did a hell of a job with that.”
I take a step back, unable to stand the fact that he’s still within reach and yet so far away. Years away, a lifetime away. A lifetime I’ll never get back.
“Heard about all that ass-kicking you’ve been doing.”
“I had someone pretty incredible pry my eyes open with a crowbar, so I can’t take all the credit.”
“The hell you can’t.”
“I’m not going to, so let’s leave it at that.” I glance around. “So, this is you?”
“Yeah, old habits die hard. As much as Tobias tried, suit life isn’t for me.”
“Yeah, I can see that. Do you still go hiking?”
“Not as much anymore. But I get out when I can.”
“A wife and two kids.”
His smile reaches his eyes before they dart away, and I bristle where I stand, utterly clueless on how to let him off the hook. He made the decision not to see me, and I need to respect it. “I’ll go, but I…I’m guessing this came from you?” I pull the envelope from my pocket and open it, knowing what’s inside. He watches me intently as the key falls to my palm.
“It’s mint. I checked it out. Brakes are good,” he glances over his shoulder at the car. “He would have wanted you to have it.”
“I want it so much. Is that wrong?”
“Not at all. It’s yours.”
I glance over to where Dominic’s Camaro sits and back to him. “Do you really believe that?”
He pulls a cigarette from his pack. “You were the only one who loved it as much as he did. Title’s in the dash.”
I nod toward his cigarette. “You should quit that.”
“So I’ve been told, a thousand times,” he says on an exhale, his tone thawing by the second.
“She’s beautiful, Sean, really.”
“Yeah,” there’s nothing but pride in his voice. “She is.”
“I’m glad you found…” I shake my head, a blush of embarrassment threatening as he exhales a cloud of smoke past my shoulder. My fingers itch to trace the small scar where his lip ring use to lay. “Well, I should probably,” I hitch a thumb over my shoulder, “I have to be somewhere.” We both know it’s a lie, and his telling hazel eyes call me on it, “and thank you again for this, it means a lot but…mostly, I just really wanted to see you…it’s been a long time.”
He nods, his gaze dropping to his boot as he stomps out his cigarette. “It has.”
“I wanted to reach out so many times—” my voice starts to shake when I sense his hesitation. “I just…I couldn’t…come home without…I just, I’m so glad you seem to be doing well. That’s so good.”
Do not cry. Do not cry.
I let myself get one last long look at him and let out a shuddered exhale. “It was so good to see you, take care, Sean. And thank you,” I say, lifting the key.
“You too,” is all he says as I back away and grip my bag rolling it away from him while burning the memory of him into my mind one last time.
Legs shaking, I make it to the Camaro as the sun slips back behind the clouds, as if mocking me. Peering inside the car, I steady my breaths and grip the handle before I open the door. The smell alone has my eyes watering.
“You might be trouble. But you’re still more. A lot more.” The rumble of his voice has me glancing over my shoulder toward the road so he can’t see me break with his words. I don’t look up as he walks over to where I stand, frozen on the side of the car. Lungs burning from the sobs I’m tamping down, I keep my head turned, my gaze averted, knowing I won’t be able to look at Sean again without letting him truly see what I’m feeling.