“So, that’s why you were here that night?” The night I ran into the forest calling his brothers’ names. The same night he kissed me, sending me into a tailspin.
He shakes his head ironically, his expression somber. “This was my place. I don’t know if fate plays a role in life, but I knew when I found it. Somehow, I knew this place was meant for me.”
He plucks at a piece of grass next to him, before rubbing it between his fingers. “That’s why I wasn’t at all surprised when Roman started building his fortress only a few hundred yards away from where I was charting out my future and his.” I try and picture Tobias here as a young boy, newly orphaned and utterly alone in the woods staring up at the night sky. The image I conjure up tugs at every corner of my heart. To be so young, to have lost everything in a blink. It’s unimaginable.
He sips his wine, his swallow audible.
“I can still remember Papa putting a voice to his big dreams. His plans for us, the way he advocated for this place, willing us all to imagine along with him, in this new world, this new life he so believed in, that turned and robbed him of his every dream, of his life. So when I lost them, I pushed the world away. I trusted no one. I was so angry that I shut myself off completely. And the more I learned about the world he believed in, the people he blindly trusted, put his faith in, the angrier I got.” He watches me carefully. “My purpose began to change as the years passed. I made no room for anything else. And since, I’ve been doing exactly what I set out to do. Every plan I made here, I put into motion. Every decision I made here, I made happen.” He turns to me. “Yet somewhere along the way, I forgot to look around, look up, to focus anywhere but on my task. I got so determined to see my own plans through. I tainted this place. I shared it for the sole reason of carrying out my purpose. After a few years, it was no longer my sanctuary because my ambitions had turned it into a war zone. That’s why I like your view. You’re seeing it right now, the way I saw it for the first time.”
He takes another healthy sip of wine as I absorb his words and decide to offer some of my own.
“I believe in fate,” I declare, “I truly do. I felt it earlier today in that boardroom. I was at my most vulnerable as well when something clicked inside of me. It was like a voice I’ve never heard. And for a few seconds, I saw my future so clearly, so vividly. I don’t at all think it’s a coincidence that I came to Triple Falls, or that I’ve had the experiences I’ve had in the last year. It was like all of the hell I’ve gone through made sense specifically for that one moment.” I turn to him. “Not long ago, you asked me what I was going to do, and today I saw it.”
He fixes his attention on the ground and nods before we collectively sip more wine.
“You’re so young,” he looks over to me before pulling a piece of hair free from where it’s stuck on my lip. I open my mouth to object, but he presses a finger to it to silence me. “I don’t mean that in a condescending way. But when you live long enough, you won’t see things as absolute, the way you do now. You’ve got simple solutions for complicated problems. But the more you learn, the more jaded you’ll become. The more you’ll question your decisions, regret some of your choices. Just don’t let them change you. Don’t ever forget the way you felt in the boardroom today. No matter how much life you live.”
“I won’t.”
He bites his lip briefly before he speaks.
“I don’t regret it you know, I really don’t. I helped Dominic with his homework. I got my first job at fourteen bagging groceries so he had a new bike on Christmas morning.” He lifts his knees and drapes his forearms on them. “I made it my mission to try and rear him like Papa would. To give him everything I could. I can still remember so clearly the day I taught him how to shave. I was honored when he asked me.” He smiles, really smiles. “He hadn’t hit his second growth spurt, so he was a full foot shorter than me.”
“So, you were more of a father than a brother,” I conclude.
“I wanted it,” he quickly adds. “I did. Beau was a good man. And I wanted to give Dominic as much of his father as I could. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. I just…”
Guilt. I can feel it oozing from his frame, along with all that he’s not saying. He lost his own life raising his brother and setting his plans into motion. He doesn’t seem to know who he is without his purpose.