I wanted to walk with Lou and not be tortured watching Grandma trying to breathe, but Ken said, Okay man, catch you later bro! Lou put his hair in a ponytail he tied up with his wet shirt. He was wearing flip-flops. Yo Louie, your rosy parker is visible for all the world to see! said Ken. Lou said eat your heart out, cat. Grandma said she wanted to visit Lou later in the evening. He put his head in the car window where Grandma was sitting and said he’d really love that, man. He put his fist in the car to bump but Grandma grabbed it and kissed it. He laughed. He told Grandma he loved her. She loved him too. She said I love you too, Louie, so much, sooooooo much. Oh boy, do I love you boys! Judith, I love you, too!
Grandma had taken care of Lou when he was a baby and she was thirteen years old. He was as smart as a whip. She had carried him and carried him when he cried. Why was Lou suffering? He looked naked when he walked away. His hair was piled on top of his head. He only had his shorts and flip-flops on. He had a cool way of walking down the road and nodding at people in their cars. Lou does his thing! said Grandma. Lou does his thing, said Ken. I wondered, What is Lou’s thing? I wanted it to be my thing too.
On the way back to Ken’s place, Grandma told Ken that she wanted to get a hole drilled into her head but De Sica had said she was too old. No way, man! said Ken. You’re not old! Then Grandma argued with Ken about being old. I am old! No way! I am! You’re old too, Kenny! I am not!
Speaking of heads, said Ken. He asked Grandma about the time she had a bounty on her head. Remember that? he said. That was crazy, man! Grandma laughed. Oh yeah, that, she said. She waved her hand around like whatever.
What do you mean you had a bounty on your head, I said. Oh, said Grandma, just that! It was a bounty on my head, you know. Why! I said. Ken said, Yeah, why? He’d forgotten the details. Grandma made her face small to think. Well, she said, I had quite aggressively advised one of my clients to leave her husband, and to take her daughters with her, and the husband objected to this, also quite aggressively. Ken laughed. Quite! he said. Ken and Grandma laughed pleasantly together in the front seat like they were talking about splitting a milkshake or something and not recounting a time Grandma was being fucking hunted!
At Ken’s place Grandma went to lie down. I knew she was feeling dizzy because she took my arm when we walked from the car to the house and pretended it was just because she loved me. Ken and Jude stood in the front entrance talking with us but I was slowly nudging Grandma towards the bedroom so she could lie down. Grandma said, Okaaaaay. She couldn’t really hear what Ken and Jude were saying. Her batteries had died. They were asking her questions but she was saying okaaaaaay, okaaaaaay. She was being polite but also dying. Finally she let me walk with her to the bedroom and she lay down. She went hoooooooooo. She smiled at me. I frowned at her. I felt her forehead. It was cold but sweaty. Wasn’t that fun? she said. Don’t talk, Grandma! I said. I ran to get a glass of water from the attached bathroom. Then I ran to get her nitro from my backpack. It was in the hallway. Ken and Jude saw me and asked me if I wanted a snack. I said no thank you. I ran back to Grandma and held her spray to her mouth. One spray. She asked me what time it was. After five minutes she’d take the second spray. We waited. She closed her eyes. I held her hand. I sang the song she likes which is “I Wonder as I Wander.” And I sang one verse of her favourite CCR song which is “Someday Never Comes.” I gave her the second spray. We waited five minutes more. I sang “One Singular Sensation” from A Chorus Line. I did the dance from the movie. Then the third spray. If the pain is still there after three sprays we have to call an ambulance. Grandma said the pain was gone. Her forehead was still cold and sweaty. I didn’t believe her. I said I was going to call an ambulance. Then she said, No, no, it’s not quite time, Swiv. Just hoooooold on, kiddo! It’s passing, it’s passing. Besides, this is America! What do you think! Okay, shhhhhhhh, I said. Don’t talk, don’t talk. I put my fingers in her glass of water and threw a few drops onto her forehead. I could hear Ken and Jude clanking around in the kitchen. I sang “Four Strong Winds.” I began to cry! Fucking hell! I stopped singing that sad song and sang “Fever” instead. But that reminded me of Mom. I needed her. I tried to sing “You Don’t Own Me,” Grandma’s other favourite song from the 1960s. I turned around so Grandma wouldn’t see me crying. I ran to the bathroom and turned on the taps. I ran back to Grandma and sat down on the bed and sang “Fever” in a really, really sexy way so that I would horrify myself into not crying. Grandma started laughing. Don’t laugh! I said. Don’t talk! Grandma pretended to be disciplined. She clamped her mouth shut and zipped it shut and threw away the key. I felt her forehead. It was normal. I felt her chest. It went up and down. I put my face in the pillow next to hers. Grandma said, Honey, honey. I felt her hand on my head. Then I woke up alone in the bed and it was still the same day which was the longest day ever because of the time change and almost dying four hundred times in water, air and on land. We’d probably almost die in a fire before bedtime.