“Can you keep a secret?”
“Of course.”
“Too quick to answer,” he snaps. “I mean really keep a secret. Can you think of secrets that you’ll take to your grave, that you’ve never confided in anyone, ever?”
“I have a few, yeah.”
“And how do you go about doing that?”
“By never talking about it. Or thinking about it. Acting like it never happened.”
“Exactly, I can’t give you specifics on a history that doesn’t exist. I can’t give you rules and details or dates about things that never fucking happened.”
“So, all of those people back there?”
“Can keep a secret. Nothing about that party, and no one in attendance can tell you who was there or what went down because it never happened.” He goes quiet for long minutes and I know it’s because he’s trying to find his words. He darts his gaze my way. “Masons have walls, out here, it’s tree lines. So, when you asked me what tonight was. I told you the truth. It was a fucking party. When you asked what we do, the answer is nothing.”
“Unless I’m in on the secret. And even then, nothing ever happened?”
My answer is silence, but I’m starting to think that silence may be admission.
“So why even show this to me? Why not leave me clueless like the rest of the world?”
“Because you’re with me.” Simple. To the point. And if I want to be with him, I have to be willing to be in on his future secrets. He chances another quick look at me. “It’s going to be your decision.”
“And what if I don’t want to be in on it?”
“No choice tonight,” he says, gunning the gas. He checks his rearview again and I turn and see blue lights flash from a side road behind us before turning our way. “Hold on,” he says as I turn to face him in the seat.
“You’re kidding. You’re going to pull over, right?”
“No can do, baby, they aren’t impounding my shit for thirty days.”
Oh, Fuck. Oh, Fuck. Oh, Fuck. Oh, Fuck.
A phone rings in his pocket, and when he pulls it out, I don’t recognize it. He answers without looking my way. “Yep, someone must have called in… I figured. Better break it up. I’ll take this one.” Sean floors it and my eyes go wide. I turn and see the lights are falling farther behind us, he’s losing them, but every muscle in my body is screaming with warning.
“We’re running from the police. You do realize that?”
I sink in my seat as Sean completely ignores me, his concentration solely on the road.
“Sean, this isn’t fucking funny!”
Calmly, he says to me. “One more time, Cecelia. Can. You. Keep. A. Secret?”
Terrified, I search myself for the answer. “Yes.”
He slows, downshifting and yanks the wheel and I scream, slamming my eyes shut as we veer sideways onto a gravel road. When I open them, I fully expect to catch a glimpse of my imminent death, but I can’t see anything because Sean cut his headlights and we’re now running in the light of the moon.
I’m seconds away from pissing myself as Sean guns the gas, leaving us flying down a gravel road. It’s while the tires crunch beneath and the silent wind whips through the cabin that realization dawns. These men I’ve been hanging with are exactly the type that Mom warns you away from and that Dad is supposed to greet at the front door with a shotgun in hand.
Since day one, I’ve been subtly and not so subtly warned by them to keep my distance—by both them and those who knew of them—and since day one, I’ve done nothing but walk directly into the line of fire. There’s always some basis or truth to rumors. But this? This is so far from what I expected. And it’s in the dark where I see the light. I’ve been running with these secretive devils for the last six weeks, and I’m being baptized in truth in something akin to hellfire.
“Jeremy was serious when he said he’d just robbed someone, wasn’t he?”
Silence.
Sean makes another fast turn, and I have no idea how, because I can’t see a foot in front of his hood, but his quick side-eye confirms everything.
“You spend all your free time crossing invisible lines,” I say, knowing it’s the absolute truth. “Jesus, Sean. How many secrets do you have?”
His reply is another turn before we slide to a stop. He kills the engine as we sit quietly under the cover of a few trees. I twist in my seat but see no sign of the blue light. I’ve never been prone to panic attacks before, but I’m positive I’m having something close to one now.