Whatever I did in that moment, I had to do very gently. Alice did not respond well to pressure. She’d dart away and do whatever the hell she wanted anyway.
“Listen, I understand why you want to do that.” I kept my tone even. “It makes complete sense. We all regret not calling the police. But you can’t go to Hudson by yourself. That could be dangerous.”
I wondered, looking at Alice then, how unstable she really was. She’d been off her medication for at least a week before the roof— we all knew. It was always obvious.
“You’d go with me?” Tears made her eyes shiny. Of course that was not what I’d said.
“Maybe.” There was no way I was going to Hudson with her. “But only if you take your medication first.”
She shook her head. “No, no, I have been. I’m— ”
“Alice,” I said. “You’re not thinking clearly. And this is the kind of situation where you definitely need to be.”
She stared at me for a good minute before her head finally dropped. “Okay.” She marched over to her bureau, pulled open the top drawer, retrieved a bottle of pills, and shook it. There were plenty inside. She took one while I watched. “Happy?”
But I wasn’t happy, of course. Not then. Not now.
“Don’t worry,” Derrick said, putting a hand on my shoulder, drawing me back to Jonathan’s living room. To the mess we were in. “No matter what happens with Keith, I promise not to let him pull you down.”
He meant it sweetly, of course. But it irritated me. I didn’t need his protection. I needed his car to drive me back to the city. Right now.
“Thanks.” I forced a smile.
But Derrick was still looking at me. In that way. Shit. He was going to do this now, wasn’t he?
“Maeve, there’s something I have to tell you,” he began, though I willed him not to. “Something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a really long time.”
“Are you sure now is the best time? We have so much else going— ”
“I know, Maeve,” Derrick said meaningfully. “I’ve known this whole time.”
“You know what?” My heart felt like a drum.
“I know what happened on the roof.”
My mind flashed to the anonymous email: I know what you did. It was Derrick who’d sent it?
“But I know it wasn’t your fault,” he said. “That’s all I wanted to say. I hope you know that, too.”
All I could do was stare at him. Because his tone and words were kind, but given the context— that creepy email? He was obviously threatening me. It dawned on me fully now. And how exactly did he think this was going to go? That I’d fall in love with him because he had something on me?
“I don’t understand, Derrick.” I must have seemed angry, too, because Derrick looked panicked.
“I would never say anything. Never,” he added, quick and forceful. “That wasn’t the— We’re friends, Maeve. I’d do anything to protect you. I mean, I already have, all this time. I guess I just wanted you to know that.”
Right. I looked up at him and smiled. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” And that was the absolute truth.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he said. “But please, stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” I asked, trying to ignore how lightheaded I felt.
“Like I’ve betrayed you,” Derrick said, and he sounded so sad, heartbroken really. “Because honestly I would never, ever do that.”
I nodded. “That’s good to know.”
Except he already had betrayed me, and in such a secretive, sneaky, manipulative way.
“But I do also want to say: you deserve better,” he added in a rush, as if it was hard for him to get that part out.
“What do you mean?”
“Your phone— you’ve seemed disappointed each time you looked at it this weekend. It’s none of my business, and I don’t know what’s going on. But I do know you deserve not to feel bad.”
“I’m not disappointed.” But my cheeks were on fire now.
I had finally gotten a text back from Bates: Sorry, got caught up. See you soon. No “love” or anything. But I felt sure we could get past whatever these doubts were he had about me. I could do a better job of opening up. I would, finally.
“Okay.” Derrick gestured helplessly. “Well, then, I think I should go shower,” he said, heading for the stairs. He looked different to me as I watched him go, standing a little taller, stronger now that he’d unburdened himself.