“Well, now you know that I will never stand by and watch someone hit you or any person for no reason other than they feel they can,” he shot back.
I started to tell him that he was being ridiculous and was missing the point, but he wasn’t being ridiculous. This world we lived in was messed up, and the gods knew that wasn’t the first time I’d thought that. But it had never hit me with such clarity before.
Silent, I turned from him and started walking. He was right beside me. Several moments passed. “It’s not like I’m okay with how she treats me. It took everything in me not to throw the book at her.”
“I wish you had.”
I almost laughed. “If I had, she would’ve reported me. She’ll probably report you.”
“To the Duke? Let her.” He shrugged. “I can’t imagine that he’s okay with her striking the Maiden.”
I snorted. “You don’t know the Duke.”
“What do you mean?”
“He would probably applaud her,” I said. “They share a lack of control when it comes to their tempers.”
“He’s hit you,” Hawke stated. “Is that what she meant when she said that you’d grown fond of the cane?” He grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. “Has he used a cane on you?”
The disbelief and anger filling those golden eyes sent a wave of nausea through me. Oh, gods. Realizing what I’d basically just admitted, I felt the blood drain from my face and then rapidly flood back in. I pulled at my arm, and he let go. “I didn’t say that.”
He was staring straight ahead, his jaw flexing. “What were you saying?”
“J-just that the Duke is more likely to punish you than he is the Priestess. I have no idea what she meant by the cane,” I continued in a rush. “She sometimes says things that make no sense.”
Hawke glanced down at me, his lashes lowered. “I must’ve misread what you said then.”
I nodded, relieved. “Yes. I just don’t want you to get into trouble.”
“And what about you?”
“I’ll be fine,” I was quick to say as I started walking again, aware of the darting glances passing servants sent our way. “The Duke will just…give me a lecture, make it a lesson, but you would face—”
“I’ll face nothing,” he said, and I wasn’t so sure about that. “Is she always like that?”
I sighed. “Yes.”
“The Priestess seems like a…” He paused, and I glanced over at him. His lips were pursed. “A bitch. I don’t say that often, but I say it now. Proudly.”
Nearly choking on my laugh, I looked away. “She…she is something, and she’s always disappointed in my…commitment to being the Maiden.”
“Exactly how are you supposed to prove you are?” he asked. “Better yet, what are you supposed to be committed to?”
I almost jumped on him in that moment and wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t, because it would be grossly inappropriate. Instead, I gave him a sedate nod. “I’m not quite sure. It’s not like I’m trying to run away or escape my Ascension.”
“Would you?”
“Funny question,” I muttered, my heart still thumping from what I’d almost exposed.
“It was a serious one.”
My heart lurched in my chest as I stopped in the narrow, short hall and approached one of the windows that faced the courtyard. I stared up at Hawke, and everything about him said that it was, in fact, a genuine inquiry. “I can’t believe you’d ask that.”
“Why?” He came to stand behind me.
“Because I couldn’t do that,” I told him. “I wouldn’t.”
“It seems to me that this honor that has been bestowed upon you comes with very few benefits. You’re not allowed to show your face or travel anywhere outside the castle grounds. You didn’t even seem all that surprised when the Priestess moved to strike you. That leads me to believe it’s something fairly common,” he said, his brows dark slashes above his eyes. “You are not allowed to speak to most, and you are not to be spoken to. You’re caged in your room most of the day, your freedom restricted. All the rights others have are privileges for you, rewards that seem impossible for you to earn.”
I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say. He’d pointed out all that I didn’t have, and made it so painfully clear. I looked away.
“So, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did try to escape this honor,” he finished.