I had no words. He was still holding my hand, and I was sitting in his lap, and all I could think about was that part in Willa Colyn’s journal, where she described being in a man’s lap. There had been less clothing—
“You can’t be comfortable.” One of his arms folded around my upper back, pulling my side against his chest. “There. That has to be much better.”
It was.
And it wasn’t.
“I don’t want you getting too cold,” he added, his breath warm against my temple. He was so much taller, even sitting as straight as I was, my head still didn’t reach his chin. “I feel like that’s an important part of my duty as your personal Royal Guard.”
“Is that what you’re doing right now? Protecting me from the cold by pulling me into your lap?”
“Exactly.” His hand was against my side, the weight like a brand.
I stared at what I thought might be his throat. “This is incredibly inappropriate.”
“More inappropriate than you reading a dirty journal?”
“Yes,” I insisted, heat creeping into my face.
“No.” His deep chuckle rumbled through me. “I can’t even lie. This is inappropriate.”
“Then why?”
“Why?” His chin grazed the top of my head. “Because I wanted to.”
I blinked once and then twice. “And what if I didn’t want to?”
Another chuckle sent an acute shiver through me. “Princess, I’m confident that if you didn’t want me to do something, I’d be lying flat on my back with a dagger at my throat before I even took my next breath. Even if you can’t see an inch in front of you.”
Well…
“You have your dagger on you, don’t you?”
I sighed. “I do.”
“Knew it.” He let go of my hand, and I let mine fall to my lap. “No one can see us. No one is even aware that we’re here. As far as anyone knows, you are in your room.”
“This is still reckless for a multitude of reasons. If someone comes in here—”
“I’d hear them before they did,” he said. Before I could voice that his hearing couldn’t be as special as his sight, he added, “And if someone did, they’d have no idea who we are.”
I drew my head back, putting space between my upper body and his. “Is this why you led me out here to this place?”
“What is this, Princess?”
“To be…inappropriate.”
“And why would I do that?” he asked, his voice dropping low as his hand touched my arm.
“Why? I think it’s pretty obvious, Hawke. I’m sitting in your lap. I doubt that’s how you normally hold innocent conversations with people.”
“Very rarely is anything I do innocent, Princess.”
“Shocker,” I muttered.
“So, you’re suggesting I led you out here, instead of toward a private room with a bed”—he dragged the tips of his fingers down my right arm—“to engage in a particular type of inappropriate behavior?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, though my room would’ve been a better option.” My heart had already started pounding the moment my rear ended up in his lap. Now, it felt as if it were going to explode out of my chest.
“What if I said that isn’t true?”
“I…” My stomach fluttered as his fingers found their way to my hip. “I wouldn’t believe you.”
“Then what if I said it didn’t start off that way?” His thumb moved against my hip. “But then there was the moonlight and you, with your hair down, in this dress, and then the idea occurred to me that this would be the perfect location for some wildly inappropriate behavior.”
“Then I…I would say that’s more likely.”
His hand glided over the thin, gauzy material of the gown. “So, there you have it.”
“At least, you’re honest.” I bit down on my lip as the fluttering deepened. This was dangerous. Even if no one discovered us, it felt like tempting fate with the gods. A few stolen kisses—all right, a little more than a few stolen kisses—was possibly forgivable. But this?
Even those stolen kisses weren’t forgivable, at least according to the Duke and Duchess—and the Queen. Then again, if the gods were to intervene, wouldn’t they have done so already? I thought about what Tawny had once said about not being sure whether the rules imposed upon me were a decree from the gods.