And if I had interpreted what the Duchess had said about the first Maiden correctly, she’d done a lot of forbidden things.
She hadn’t been found unworthy.
“Tell you what. I’ll make you a deal.”
“A deal?”
“If I do anything you don’t like…” Hawke’s hand slid down my thigh, causing my breath to catch. Through the dress, his hand closed over the dagger. “I give you permission to stab me.”
“That would be excessive.”
“I was hoping you’d give me just a measly flesh wound,” he added. “But it’d be worth finding out.”
I grinned. “You are such a bad influence.”
“I think we’ve already established that only the bad can be influenced.”
“And I think I already told you that your logic is faulty,” I repeated, closing my eyes as his fingers followed the outline of the sheathed blade.
Another hot, tight shiver curled its way down my spine, and I had the sudden urge to squeeze my legs together. Somehow, I refrained.
I resisted him, despite knowing how I would’ve let him kiss me the night before.
“I’m the Maiden, Hawke,” I reminded him—or myself, I wasn’t sure.
“And I don’t care.”
My eyes flew open in shock. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“I did. And I’ll say it again. I don’t care what you are.” Hawke’s hand slid off my back. A moment later, I felt his palm flatten against my cheek with unerring accuracy. “I care about who you are.”
Oh.
Oh, gods.
My chest swelled so fast and full, it was a small miracle that I didn’t float right out of his lap and into the willow. What he’d said…
It had to be the sweetest and most perfect thing anyone could say.
“Why?” I demanded, almost wishing he hadn’t spoken those words. “Why would you say that?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Yes, I am. It doesn’t make sense.”
“You don’t make sense.”
I hit his shoulder—or chest. Some extremely hard part of him.
Hawke grunted. “Ouch.”
I so did not hit him hard enough for that. “You’re fine.”
“I’m bruised.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I retorted. “And it’s you who makes no sense.”
“I’m the one sitting here being honest. You’re the one hitting me. How do I not make sense?”
“Because this whole thing makes no sense.” Frustration rose swiftly through me, and I started to stand, but the hand on my hip stopped me. Or I let it stop me. I wasn’t sure. And that was even more irritating. “You could be spending time with anyone, Hawke—any number of people you wouldn’t have to hide in a willow tree to be with.”
“And yet, I’m here with you. And before you even begin to think it’s because of my duty to you, it’s not. I could’ve just walked you back to your room and stayed out in the hall.”
“That’s my point. It makes no sense. You can have a slew of willing participants in…whatever this is. It would be easy,” I said. Pretty Britta came to mind. I was sure he’d had her. “You can’t have me. I’m…I’m un-have-able.”
“I’m confident that’s not even a word.”
“That’s not the point. I’m not allowed to do this. Any of this. I shouldn’t have done what I did at the Red Pearl,” I continued. “It doesn’t matter if I want—”
“And you do want.” His whisper danced over my cheek. “What you want is me.”
My breath caught. “That doesn’t matter.”
“What you want should always matter.”
A short, harsh laugh left me. “It doesn’t, and that’s another thing that isn’t the point. You could—”
“I heard you the first time, Princess. You’re right. I could find someone who would be easier.” His fingers traced the line of my mask from my right ear and along my cheek. I had no idea how he could see. “Ladies or Lords in Wait, who aren’t burdened by rules or limitations, who aren’t Maidens I’m sworn to protect. There are a lot of ways I could occupy my time that don’t include explaining in great detail why I’m choosing to be where I am, with whom I choose.”
The corners of my lips started to turn down.
“The thing is,” he went on, “none of them intrigue me. You do.”