“How can he possibly take the lead?” I almost shouted. “He hasn’t even been my Royal Guard for that long.”
“But he is your only Royal Guard.”
That statement threatened to sting, so I whirled on Hawke and did the only completely immature thing I could. I took it out on him. “You seriously expect me to leave her here? Where Descenters are murdering people left and right?”
“You seriously expect me to bring her out beyond the Rise?”
Tawny stepped forward. “If I may—”
“Yes!” I exclaimed. “You’re taking me out beyond the Rise.”
“Exactly. Only a handful of guards can be spared to escort you. All of them will be focused on keeping you safe. Not her.”
“I can—”
“I know you can protect yourself. Everyone in this room knows that, trust me, but we’re going out there, Princess. Out beyond the Rise. Do you know the path we will have to take?” he demanded. “We’ll have to travel through the Barren Plains and the Blood Forest.”
Trepidation had my stomach dipping. “I know.”
“And we will also be traveling through areas heavily populated by Descenters. This will not be a smooth trip, and I will not risk your safety,” he said as he glared down at me. Gone was the Hawke who’d held me so tightly and so tenderly only hours before. In his place was…
In his place was a Royal Guard Vikter would’ve been proud of. There was no stopping that sting. Hawke wasn’t my friend or…or whatever he was to me in this moment. He was a Royal Guard duty-bound to keep me alive and deliver me safely to the Queen and King.
He dipped his chin, eyes latched to mine. “If we take Tawny with us, we may as well just send her ahead and use her as Craven bait.”
I gaped at him. “That was possibly the most absurd statement ever.”
“No more absurd than standing here arguing with half of your face,” he retorted.
I threw up my hands. “That sounds like your problem, not mine.”
Jaw working as he stared down at me, he barked out a short laugh and then turned to where Tawny stood. “I know you want to accompany her. I understand that, but this is not going to be like a normal caravan. There won’t be dozens of guards, and we won’t be staying at the finest inns. Our pace will be fast and hard, and there is an extremely high likelihood that the Rite will not be the last time you see bloodshed.”
I turned to Tawny, but before I could speak, she said, “I know. I understand.” She came forward. “I appreciate that you want me to come with you, Poppy, but I can’t.”
A feather could’ve knocked me over. “You…you don’t want to?” She’d been so excited about seeing the capital.
But if I wasn’t here, then her time would become hers, at least a good majority of it. I pressed my lips together.
“I want to. Badly.” She stopped in front of me, clasping my hands. “And I hope you believe that, but the idea of going out there like this terrifies me.”
I…I wanted to believe her.
She brought our joined hands up to her chest. “Not only that, but what Hawke said is true. So many guards are…they are gone. And the ones going with you cannot be focused on me. I can’t fight. Not like you can. I can’t do what you did.”
What I did? Did she mean when I defended myself or…or what I’d done to the Lord?
“I can’t go,” she whispered.
Closing my eyes, I exhaled raggedly. She was right. So was Hawke. It would be irresponsible and illogical for Tawny to travel with us. And while I was worried about leaving her behind in a city in such a state of unrest, I was arguing because…because…
I was leaving everything familiar behind.
So much had happened. So many losses. And while I didn’t have the brain space or the emotional capacity to worry about the possibility of the Ascension moving up or even being found unworthy by the gods, I wasn’t borrowing tomorrow’s problems. But everything kept shifting and changing, and Tawny was…she was the last of what used to be.
What if I didn’t see her again?
Drawing in a shaky breath, I couldn’t let myself think like that. I couldn’t let Tawny think that. I opened my eyes. “You’re right.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. “I hate being right.”
“Thank the gods, there’s someone rational in this room,” Hawke muttered.
My head shot in his direction. “No one asked you for your input.”