“It’s also longer hours, means spending every day alone in an office, and I’ll still be looking at an endless supply of food projects.”
“I thought you’d be thrilled to get an office,” she says, squinting in confusion. “You hate being interrupted while you’re working.”
My mind flashes to Booker’s work avoidance and Mia’s sarcastic comments. But especially Deiss. He never failed to encourage me when I was searching through online postings for my next job. As if he had some internal alarm, vigilantly scanning for any doubt that might sneak up on me, he managed to show up with praise every time I began to question my work.
The truth is, between those three people and all the customers that came into Studio Sounds, I was constantly being interrupted. Still, I’ve never produced more or done better work than I did there. More importantly, I’ve never enjoyed myself so much.
“I did hate it,” I say. “But people change.”
CHAPTER 27
I’m not sure the exact moment it hits me that I’ve made a terrible mistake—possibly because I’ve known all along. But I realize it when my mojito arrives and it occurs to me that it’s full of calories I shouldn’t consume if I want to be more tailored in order to meet Marian’s expectations. And again when I slip the straw in my mouth and drink it anyway.
I realize it when some of the businessmen wander over with a bottle of champagne and begin hitting on us. And again when I pinpoint the safe bet among them but turn down his dinner invitation anyway, despite the fact that Elena has deemed him “surprisingly yummy for a nice guy.”
I realize it when Elena goes into detail about the bone broth project she’s taken over in my absence.
“I don’t think I can go back,” I blurt out, interrupting her. “It’s a good job. I know it is. And I wish I was like you and had things like the theater to direct my creative energy toward. But I don’t. I just have design. And I want to do every kind of project there is to do.”
“Okay?” Her face twists with confusion. “So, is this your way of saying you don’t want Marian’s job?”
“Yes,” I say. “But I also don’t want a lot of other things. I don’t want to be tailored. And I don’t want to live alone anymore. And I don’t want to play it safe. And I especially don’t want to give up on love just because it’s messy and I can’t predict how it will end up.”
“Those all sound like reasonable things,” Elena says.
“I don’t want to plan for the future anymore when that means giving up living in the now,” I add determinedly.
“Still reasonable.”
“It’s settled then.”
Elena laughs. “If you say so.”
“Am I missing something?” The sweet pull of my mojito eases my defensiveness. “You don’t think I can change?”
“It’s pretty obvious you already have,” she says, flipping onto her side to face me. “But I don’t think you can build a life solely around what you don’t want to do. You also have to decide what you do want.”
“Done.” I set my drink on the little square table between us and follow her lead, turning on my side to face her. “I want to use my new ties with Bears in Captivity to connect with other bands. And I want to look for a place in Los Feliz so I can be near my friends again. Because, most importantly, I want to work things out with them. All of them, obviously, but especially Deiss.”
“He’s the one who brought you home from the airport?” At my nod, Elena licks her lips. “Yeah, I’d want to work things out with him, too. Mainly my thighs.”
I hold a hand up before she can elaborate. “You should probably know I’m in love with him.”
“You? And the smoldering guy with the sinful mouth?” Her eyes brighten with delight. “But he’s not your type at all. You don’t go for the bad boys.”
“Deiss isn’t bad. He’s wonderful.”
“Tell me how it happened,” she orders. “I want every detail from beginning to end.”
“We were together for a couple of weeks, but then I ruined everything.”
“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think,” she says confidently. “We just need to make a plan for you to get him back. Something perfect. Something failproof.”
“I’m open to whatever suggestions you might have.”
She grins slyly. “First, I’ll need details.”