“Do you promise?” I pressed.
“Yes, Rowan. I can restrain myself from launching preemptive attacks. I never promised Ashur specifics about how I’d get revenge. And the return of the Lilu is certainly revenge.” He cocked his head, raising an eyebrow. “If we can’t find them, we could always make more Lilu.”
I ignored the flush of heat in my cheeks at his comment, trying to stay focused before I lost my chance to hunt down Jack.
I shoved the grimoire at him. “Good. Take this home.”
He rose, handing it back to me. “You take it home. You return and take the crown.”
I gripped him by the elbow, and helped him to his feet. “I’m going after Jack to see what he knows about Shai. She never showed up where she was supposed to be, and I don’t know if she was the leak, or if she’s locked in here, or what the fuck happened. And I want the book of names back.”
I breathed in deeply, smelling the air for sweat, listening for heartbeats. My heightened senses told me the whole place was empty. Jack—and every other hunter—had fled.
I touched the side of Orion’s face. “I need to go. Take the grimoire. Bring it back to the City of Thorns.”
He leaned down, resting his forehead on mine. “I think this means you trust me now.”
“I do. And when I get back, you and I will figure out how to rule together.” I turned to run for Jack, but Orion grabbed my bicep.
When I turned to him, his eyes were burning with a strange intensity. “Wait, wait. You need to know what I did before you decide that you trust me.”
I cupped his face. “Tell me now, then. Quickly.”
His face was so close to mine, and he pulled my hands from cheeks. Pain etched his face, and his shoulders slumped.
“I condemned my mother to death,” he said quietly.
That wasn’t what I’d expected, and my gaze slid down to the words carved on his chest, now healed over into angry scars. Matricide.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “How is that possible?”
“Molor died defending her, Rowan. Molor was a hero. But only a few months after they locked me in prison with her, I was brought to another cell. She was highborn, and they wanted a crime on the record books. So they asked me to say she wanted to kill the king, and I did. All they had to do was scare me, and I told them whatever they wanted to hear.”
His sorrow seemed to fill me, a well of pain so deep, I’d never reach the bottom.
He met my gaze again, his expression ravaged with pain. “I did that because that is what I am deep down. I’m someone who will always save himself. I’m not Molor. He died because he was better than me. I always thought the ones who live are the worst ones. There is something twisted inside me, Rowan.”
Something in his words struck a chord in me because we were the same—the ones who lived. But he was wrong.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me so I could hear his beating heart. “You didn’t condemn your mom because you’re an abomination, my love. You condemned her because you were five—or six? You were a young child, and any other young child would do the same.” I stood on my tiptoes to nestle into his neck.
Tentatively, his arm slid around my lower back. “A hero should protect people,” he said, and the sentiment was strangely childish, like that part of him had stopped at five.
I kissed his neck. “But a little boy shouldn’t be a hero. And the abominations were the people who tried to break you, because that wasn’t just about getting a confession on the books. They were trying to break the Lightbringer. Orion, I know your mom would have wanted to go to her death instead of you. My mom ran into actual fire for me, and I know yours loved you just as much. How could she not? You weren’t born twisted somehow. You were just a boy who loved his family, and they used it against you. You have some scars, inside and out, but we all do.” I stared up into his eyes. “How many times have you saved my life? You went through torture today to keep me safe. You’re protecting me.”
His hand slid up, and he cupped the back of my head.
I traced my fingers over his scarred skin, finding it already more healed, the ridges nearly gone. “You’re my Lightbringer—the shining one who fell into the shadows.”
Ferocity gleamed in his pale eyes. He leaned down and kissed me deeply, pulling me up by my lower back so my heels lifted off the floor. I felt all my anger melting away, and my fears too, as his warm magic vibrated around me.