As he was speaking, my body had been growing hotter, brighter. They’d done this to him—tried to break him. They’d branded him with the guilt of condemning his mom when he was no more than a little boy. Jack was both a physical and mental sadist.
I heard myself say, “You’re wrong, Jack. I’m not like you. Maybe I’m an abomination, but I’m a demon, not mortal. And I’m loyal down to my bones. I’ll keep those I love safe.”
“Then show some loyalty to the mortals you grew up with!”
Fire raged in my mind, and my voice echoed off the stone of the grist mill. “I’ll keep the innocent mortals safe. But that’s not you.”
Starlight spilled around me as my wrath lit up the world. It was a strange sort of ecstasy to let myself go.
I was the light descending into darkness. Lady Lucifer, the fallen.
Jack’s screams spiraled into the air, and traces of blood and bone, earth and rock drifted upward, swirling around me as I took him apart, a maelstrom of destruction. I was the nightmare, and I would take the wicked down with me. I let the light flow out of me, and I opened myself to the darkness.
Empty inside, I devoured the world. “I am Chaos, the eater of worlds,” I heard myself whisper. “I was the first to exist, and I will be the last.”
33
ROWAN
Shadowy nightmares flooded my mind. Now I lived in a palace of ice, of crushing solitude.
I am the nightmare.
Thoughts spiraled in the darkness of my mind, tiny whirling galaxies in darkness. Heat did not exist here.
I wasn’t sure if I existed…
I died, I think…my body consumed itself in its fury, and my soul along with it.
Order and chaos…a light falling into the underworld.
Shadows consumed my light.
I am infinite. The alpha and omega.
I ached for warmth again. For him. A beautiful, fallen god—so perfect that the shadows desired him for their own. I among them wanted to devour his beauty.
A craving split me open, and I was grasping for him.
I could feel again. I needed to consume that light…
If I could feel, I was alive.
Someone I loved kissed my throat and jaw. What was his name?
My nostrils flared as I smelled him on me. And along with his scent, the faint perfume of lavender soap was bringing me back into my body.
I craved. I hungered. The chaos inside me demanded to be fed.
My muscles were warm, slick, and limp, and water dripped down my body. I wanted to be naked, to feel the fallen god’s bare skin against mine.
He wasn’t giving me what I wanted.
Cotton covered me, damp with warm water. Muscled arms wrapped around me, then laid me down in a bed of cool, clean sheets. The sensation of the sheets against my skin, that smooth and light friction, was an erotic torment that made me feel as if I were swelling with need.
He tried to pull away from me, but I wrapped my arms around him. My fingernails were in the bare skin of his back, pulling him closer. Distantly, I heard myself moaning for him. The fallen god was what I needed, and I knew he was the one who could fill me with light again. I licked his neck, tasting him. My skin felt sensitive, desperate for his touch. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to bite him or fuck him. Both? I needed to devour.
“Rowan?”
I opened my eyes, looking up at perfection. Blue eyes, golden skin, angular jaw—a god of masculine beauty.
His darkening eyes burned with ferocity. “You’re coming back to me.” He kissed me lightly on my lips, but it wasn’t enough.
Strength poured into me. I pushed him onto his back, delighted to find that I wasn’t wearing underwear. Because I wanted to feel myself right on his bare skin, and I wrapped my thighs around his abs.
I ran my hands over pure, sun-kissed muscle. When I looked into his obsidian eyes, he seemed on the edge of losing control, his expression fierce. His fingers were on my thighs, clenching tight. I ached for him.
“Rowan, careful,” he said. “We can’t have too much.”
I wanted too much.
And I knew if I took off these damp clothes, he would give me what I needed. So I tugged at the hem and lifted it off in one smooth motion. I watched his eyes slide down to my breasts and the apex of my thighs, naked on his body. This is where I should be—on top of my fallen god.
Conquering him.
His hot, silky magic twined around us, making my skin glow.
I watched his throat bob, and I moved down to his pants to unbutton them.
“Rowan, no!”
And then something happened that I didn’t like at all. It was those magical bindings, snaking around my wrists and ankles, pulling me off him. Completely naked, I was bound to the bed, unable to get what I needed.