Were.
Her feelings for him are a ‘were.’
She’s glad it wasn’t him who made the fantasy come true, which means she’s glad it’s me.
Well, she ddidn’t say it like that exactly, but I choose to believe that.
“And you think I do care?” I ask like a dick.
She rubs the side of her nose with her index finger. Fucking adorable.
“Sometimes.”
Sometimes is enough.
For now.
I was so intent on leaving earlier, but instead, I do something I’ve never done before.
I stay.
24
CECILY
“Can you guys like not?”
I slide my attention to Annika, realizing I zoned out, but it was the good kind this time.
I was sort of daydreaming about two days ago when Jeremy not only let me stay, but he also actually slept beside me.
Or more like, I slept sandwiched between him and the edge of the sofa. I woke up a bit achy due to the position and the cramped space, but I didn’t have another instance of sleep paralysis.
It didn’t happen last night either.
Last night, however, he did fuck me on the deck with my head hanging above the lake while I screamed and begged and called his name, but after that, he stepped in the shower with me, and then he carried me to the bed upstairs.
Something that’s never happened before.
I didn’t have to ask him to stay or feel like I had to walk on eggshells so as not to provoke his monster side.
In fact, he’s the one who pulled me on his lap when I was trying to put some clothes on and kind of made us sleep like that.
Naked. With his large body wrapped around me.
Another first.
Before, Jeremy was always clothed in some way, even while he set my world ablaze. I figured it was because he needed to put a barrier between us and to make it clear that whatever we have is exclusive to using each other’s bodies.
But a shift happened two nights ago. It started when he sat me on his lap and was content with talking to me instead of fucking me the moment he saw me.
Some sort of a connection blossomed between us that night, which is probably why I felt safe and offered him truths I don’t usually talk about to anyone.
In return, I caught a glimpse of Jeremy’s depths. Not the beast who chased and caught me, but of the man who used to keep me at arm’s length.
He still shut me down the moment I started to probe, but he at least stayed. And last night, we slept flesh-to-flesh.
I think that was because he needed to have access to me the next morning, but that’s not important.
The fact that he’s letting me in is.
Despite not wanting to get tangled in his web, I most certainly am. At the moment, I can’t find a way out—and I’m not sure I want to.
I meant it when I said that I plan to get to know him, because I do. Not only do I feel completely safe around him—despite his warnings not to—but I also like myself when I’m with him.
I’m more open about what I enjoy sexually and I even get to be my nerdy self and talk about my mangas and studies without sensing that he’s getting bored.
In fact, he listens attentively, as if everything I say is important, and I don’t think he realizes that, because I’m a little nervous around him, I resort to talking in order to expel that energy.
I also appreciate how he never judges me about anything. Hell, he even buys me mangas, comfort clothes, and my favorite tea—while calling me a stereotypical English who loves their tea.
I appreciate the ease in his expression when he sees me and the softness in his voice when he says, “Sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
Those small moments of warmth, the cracks in his cold exterior, are what make me hold out hope for more.
But, on the other hand, I’m not sure if more is what I should want from someone like Jeremy.
“Cecily!” Annika waves a hand in front of my face, and this time, I really do snap out of it.
Or try to.
Anni and I are at a local coffee shop that she loves to come to, probably because they have her favorite apple juice.
It’s big yet cozy with its pastel colors and fluffy objects hanging from the ceiling.
Many students come here between classes, but Anni drops by any chance she gets. We have some time before our shift at the shelter, which is why she dragged me inside.
“What?” I take a sip of my tea.
Anni narrows her eyes—bright blue-grays that are nothing like her brother’s intense ones. “What were you thinking about so intently that you totally door-slammed me?”
Your brother.
I certainly don’t say that. Hell, I don’t even like to think about how she would view our unconventional relationship if she learned about it.