“I don’t think that’s what’s going on here Ishu. That’s so … devious. Aisling isn’t like that,” I say.
Ishu shakes her head, wiping her tears away with the ends of her sleeves. “She hasn’t been making you feel like shit for being bisexual all this time?”
“She hasn’t.” I shake my head. “She told me that you were her friend. She said that she talked to you about the whole thing before going to Ms. Gallagher, and—”
“You really believe her?” Ishu sniffles.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m not sure what I believe.”
“Do you remember how Aisling and Deirdre punished you for being with me, before they agreed to even consider me as a part of their group?” Ishu asks. The party seems so long ago now, even though it was only a couple of weeks back. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how everybody was focused on me as Aisling and Dee singled me out for not drinking. For daring to be so visibly different. But would they go this far?
“You know …” Ishu says slowly. “If I’d never agreed to date you, I would not be in this mess right now. I wish I hadn’t accepted your offer.”
“My offer?” I fix her with a glare. “You agreed to do this because you wanted to be Head Girl. I didn’t cajole you. I didn’t force you. When I called, you said you didn’t want to do it and I was okay with that. You can’t blame me now.”
“Actually, I can.” Ishu comes to a stand, rubbing away the last of her tears. “Because I know you’re going to stand with Aisling. No matter what …” She trails off, taking a deep breath, like she can’t bear to think about us and our relationship any longer. “I don’t think we are right for each other anyway,” she says instead. “We’re two very different people.”
I’m not sure if I believe that, but I nod anyway. “I guess we are.”
I don’t try to stop Ishu as she gathers her things and walks toward the door. She hesitates by the edge of the door, and I feel my heart pick up speed. Beating so fast that I’m afraid it’s going to burst right out of my chest.
“I hope you know that you deserve better friends than Aisling and Deirdre,” Ishu says finally. “Friends who you don’t have to hide yourself from, and who don’t try to get you to be someone you’re not. “With that, she slips out of the door.
I wait until I hear the click of the front door before I let my tears out.
chapter thirty-five
ishu
I FEEL LIKE A FOOL FOR GOING TO HANI’S HOUSE, FOR thinking that she would actually stand with me. Hani is a lot of wonderful things, but she definitely isn’t the type of person who can stand up to people. For as long as I’ve known her, I’ve seen her endure horrible things that her friends have said to her, or put her through.
Now, I guess I’m stuck in this mess all by myself, trying to figure out what comes next, with no one on my side.
I try to go to sleep when I’m home finally, but sleep doesn’t come. I just toss and turn in bed, thinking of the fact that everything has gone wrong, in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. Thinking about how I should have seen this all coming. How I should have never let my guard down, never let Hani in, never let myself …
I end up on my phone. First, on Hani’s Instagram page, where she has far too many pictures of the two of us together. After I’ve stared at them all for so long that I’ve seared them into the back of my eyelids, I go on my sister’s page, looking at her engagement photos once more. There were more than a dozen people at her engagement party, I can tell from looking at all of the different pictures. Most of them are friends—probably from university. But I also see Rakesh’s family—his parents and siblings. It sends a jolt of pain through my chest. I should have been there. Ammu and Abbu should have been there.
Before I know it, I’m typing a message to Nik:
Saw your engagement party photos … congratulations.
Wish I could have been there.
To my surprise, the three dots indicating Nik is typing appear almost immediately.
I missed you and Ammu and Abbu.
I wish you could have been there too.
I chew on my lip as my fingers hover over the blank text box. What do I have to lose, I guess?
One of the girls in school accused me of cheating today …
I’m not allowed to run for Head Girl because of it.
And I don’t think Hani and I are even friends anymore.