I’d lost him. This was it. I’d gone from nought to blowjob in sixty seconds. I’d taken a train to Dicklick Kingdom without even having a full stopover in Kiss County. I should have spent more time in his mouth, making sure he wanted this. I could have done so many things with my tongue between his lips and figured out if he even wanted me to go on a quest south. What had I been thinking? I’d just gotten so excited. But that was always my problem, wasn’t it? I was a stupid mutt who only needed a tiny bone offered to him to send him into overdrive. And Caleb had had a massive bone. It was my nature to want to bury it somewhere, but my mouth clearly hadn’t been the best option.
I’d overstepped the line and now he was going to retreat from me. I must have read the room completely wrong, and now I felt like I’d fucking sexually harassed my friend. It must have all been about my blood. He must have gotten confused for a moment and, like an asshole, I’d let myself believe it was me he wanted, and now what? How were we ever gonna move past this?
The sickening truth fell over me, because I knew we were never going to move past this. I’d single-handedly whacked our friendship over the head with a cock shaped hammer, dragged it out kicking and screaming into the woods, finished it off with another bloody strike to the head, then buried it six feet underground. It was friendicide. Fucking murder in the friend degree.
I slowly started pulling down my sweatpants, figuring I might feel better if I just shifted and went topside to run under the moon. At least the moon would listen to my woes, she was always so faithful in her companionship.
“Do I even wanna know why you’re crying and stripping in the dark?” Lance Orion’s deep voice dripped over me, and my head snapped up as a whine got trapped in my throat.
“I’m not crying,” I said thickly, pulling my pants back up. “I’m whimpering.”
“Same difference, mutt.” He took a bite out of a burrito in his hand and I frowned at him.
“Why are you eating down here all alone?” I deflected from my issues.
“Because I was still hungry after the hotdog and eating alone in the dining hall is a special kind of hell for me when everyone treats me like a fucking pariah,” he muttered, taking another bite of his burrito and swallowing it down. “So I made myself a snack in the kitchen – well, technically, I scared a little Mouse Shifter into making one for me.” He chuckled. “So I suppose I’ll leave you to cry.”
“Whimper,” I growled.
“Uhuh,” he said lightly, turning away from me.
“Wait,” I called. “Did you…hear me whimpering and come to check if I was okay?”
“Absolutely not,” he said dismissively, but surely his Vampire ears had picked up my whines? He must have known it was me, he must have wanted to help. And if he wanted to help, then maybe he’d give me what I needed.
I pushed to my feet in desperation, jogging after him as he started walking away, and the fact that he didn’t shoot off with his Vampire speed gave me an absolutely certain answer that he wanted to comfort me.
“You must want company. You’re missing Darcy,” I said and he ripped into his burrito more aggressively, not replying. “Maybe sometimes I could sleep in with you at night? I could put an illusion on my hair so it looks blue and if I put on a high pitched voice too then maybe-”
“I’m gonna stop you right there, Seth,” he cut over me after he’d swallowed the food in his mouth. “There are no circumstances - and I repeat – no circumstances, in which I would allow you to pretend to be Darcy so you could cuddle me in our fucking bed.”
“Okay,” I sighed, hanging my head.
“Why don’t you go and bond with some of the Oscura Wolves if you need that kind of attention?” he suggested.
“Because I need more than snuggles, and cuddles, and nuzzles,” I said sadly. “I need to talk about what happened while I’m doing all those things.”
“What do you mean?” he asked and I looked to him with my eyes large and my lower lip quivering.
“I did something terrible,” I whispered.
“What?” he demanded, but I shook my head.
“I can’t, Lance. I can’t say it. Not without snuggles. I need to feel safe while I say it.”
“Then go say it to one of the Heirs,” he said firmly, but I whimpered, shaking my head again.
“I can’t,” I croaked. “It’s about Caleb. And now Darcy’s gone and – and-” I tipped my head back and howled, my pain spilling out of me and filling every corner of this freezing, dark section of The Burrows.